The Real Housewives of Atlanta
This finale provided us with some of the best images in Real Housewives history, chief among them — NeNe and Gregg Leakes dressed as an exterminator and a giant roach. It was a petty move of epic proportions — brilliant, hilarious, and when they cut to Gregg asleep in the corner, I almost died laughing. The best Housewives know exactly when to take themselves seriously, and showing up at the season finale Halloween party dressed as a giant roach is a great sign that you’re taking it all in stride. Some of the other Housewives aren’t faring so great. Let’s get to it.
The episode opens with Porsha at Dish Nation promoting the Atlanta premiere of Two Can Play That Game: The Stage Play. I didn’t know a few things. One, that it was a touring production. Two, that Miss Vivica A. Fox was repeating her original role. Three, that the subtitle was “A Stage Play.” As if people would be showing up to a theater expecting the movie to be projected on a screen. Vivica and Porsha compliment each other on air to promote the stage play, and Porsha is worried about having the play be great while she’s home in Atlanta. Meanwhile, Kandi and Eva are picking pumpkins at a pumpkin patch with their kids. I would watch a spin-off that was just the lives of the very rich toddlers of the Housewives universe. Can we get something like that Secret Life of Kids show on USA but about Ace and Marley Rae?
Eva wants to celebrate finally moving into a place in Atlanta, and her birthday and Halloween are coming up so why not a party? There isn’t a woman who can resist a costume party. The issue with the party is the guest list. Who should Eva invite since she’s only been recently contractually obligated to be friends with these women? Eva figures that since she hasn’t had too many problems with anyone, why not invite them all (and finish out the shooting schedule)?
Eva, Kandi, and Cynthia head out to go costume shopping, which is strange since they all agree to not buy a costume in front of each other to not ruin the surprise. Cynthia is going to bring Will, and apparently Kandi doesn’t think Kim is a racist so she’ll be getting an invite. Everyone has to be on their best behavior at the party.
Cynthia and NeNe catch up and NeNe thinks that Porsha needs to just say that she messed up and get it over with. The more NeNe says it, the better it sounds, which is the only time that has ever been said about one of NeNe’s ideas. I imagine all of this will come to a head during the Halloween party.
Then it’s time to check out Sheree’s finished basement, and y’all, this was some luxury HGTV goals. I was taking pictures of every piece of velvet furniture and mid-century modern inspired light fixture. It is A LOT OF FABULOUS and Sheree DID THAT. That is a basement. She even has a room for massage chairs? She gets a plug in for Priv that’s been showing up on all the Housewives and gets two masseuses to show up for Kandi and Cynthia. The main drama that Sheree wants to bring up is that Porsha called Shamea after the Barcelona trip and told Shamea not to trust anyone, not even Sheree. THE BETRAYAL! Sheree is trying to help Porsha out, but Porsha just can’t keep from messing it up.
It’s time for the Two Can Play That Game: The Stage Play and Porsha is nervous because her family is going to be there, but she doesn’t know if any of the other women are going to show up. Hey Porsha, it’s kinda not your time for everyone showing up to your things, y’know what I mean? Here’s the fourth thing I didn’t realize about the play — Vivica A. Fox narrates the whole thing and she has the power to freeze the play and show things from different angles. I’m exhausted. Shamea, Kenya, and Cynthia show up to see the play. The shadiest editing was cutting between Porsha in this sad-ass play and Kandi discussing with Todd how they’re going to handle Kandi going to Broadway to be in Chicago. I see you, Andy.
It’s time for the party. Eva and Sheree both dressed as Cleopatra because it’s the “sexy” costume for classy black ladies above 30. Kandi is dressed as Sexy Pennywise which is AN AMAZING COSTUME.
Then Cynthia shows up. I’m gonna copy-paste exactly what I wrote in my notes: “GUYS. GUYS. CYNTHIA DRESSED AS FIFTY CENT. SHE’S. FIFTY. CENT.” She’s wearing a hat that says “C-Unit” and it’s a positively amazing costume. Kenya is dressed as a Victoria’s Secret model. Someone even asks if she’s a dark angel, but no. It’s an excuse to look hot. Could this woman have one ounce of creativity? Speaking of — Kim shows up as a Playboy Bunny and you get the sense she’s worn it before and not in public. Marlo shows up as Nisi from B*A*P*S and she brought a random old man to the party as her Mr. Blakemore. It’s unclear who is paying who in that scenario.
NeNe and Gregg show up and everyone is SCREAMING. It’s the perfect costume and totally unsexy. You gotta admire a Housewife unafraid of looking gross for Halloween. Gregg keeps asking the other husbands and boyfriends to open candy for him and put it in his mouth. This old man.
Sheree tries to confront Porsha about what she said to Shamea, and Porsha is more concerned with how Sheree saw her text to Shamea. We all know at this point that Shamea is willing to volunteer any information to get more camera time. Sheree says that she’s had Porsha’s back and that Porsha doesn’t know how to be a friend. Then Kim and Porsha’s sister get involved and really help the situation out. Porsha and Kim throw a few insults back and forth about each other’s character and these are the last two people to be talking about moral fortitude.
Then Marlo decides the best way to resolve the situation is to chase Porsha around the party shouting at her. Porsha keeps trying to remove herself from the situation, but when you’ve got all six feet of Marlo chasing you with another half foot of wig added on, it’s not gonna de-escalate.
NeNe tries to tell Porsha again that she needs to just apologize and own up to what she’s done because no one will trust her. Porsha says everyone is fake. Yeah, that’s the attitude. Whether it’s sincere or not, Porsha should just own up to what she did so someone will be willing to film with her because I can’t watch any more of her sister or that play.
In the final wrap up, Cynthia is still “getting to know” Will after nine months of dating. Tyrone is scheduled for release in 2022. Kandi is planning an OLG food truck in which to set money on fire. Kenya still isn’t living full time with her husband. NeNe is still doing her “comedy” “show.” See you all at the reunion!