Who would have thought that Little Miss Ashley would deliver the emotional tour de force in an episode full of mundane drama? She is a Tennessee Williams heroine in the middle of Potomac. If you asked me to describe any of the Real Housewives, I’d say, “They’re tragic figures incapable of change.” Ashley is attempting to draw boundaries with her mom because her husband refuses to continue bankrolling Ashley’s mom and her deadbeat boyfriend and Ashley just can’t do it. She’s trying. She’s actively trying, but completely failing. TRAGIC FIGURE INCAPABLE OF CHANGE.
Ashley isn’t the only one with mama drama, either. Candiace reveals that her mother owns her condo and her mom lives upstairs on her own floor and stops by whenever she sees fit. She’s not popping by. She’s going downstairs in a house she owns. Candiace keeps quietly revealing that her mother pays for everything and doesn’t think she can handle her hair business. Where is Candiace’s fiancé in all of this? Is he pitching in with the hair business? I know that it didn’t always start out this way, but now the standard is that Real Housewives are supposed to be luxurious and aspirational. Candiace living with her mom is not aspirational or luxurious. How is she supposed to bang with her mom upstairs? I once dated a guy who lived in a separate apartment beneath his parents and he only told me … after … and I never went back to his apartment. That’s no way to live and bang.
Monique is at home with her family after Chris’s party and she answers a phone call from her pastor. She’s complaining to her family about Robyn saying that she’s got a fan club. The entire episode Monique keeps complaining that she’s very busy because she doesn’t have a nanny and they just moved and she has so much going on. Ma’am. I can appreciate how difficult it must be to be a mother, but you don’t work. Your husband coaches high-school football. Both of y’all got time. Monique is annoyed that Robyn keeps making comments about how much money she has and hiring people to stay in her circle.
Meanwhile, Robyn and Gizelle are hanging out and Robyn says that she’s tired of Ashley getting all in her business. Ashley has what scientists would call “a lot of nerve.” Gizelle says that she’s tired of all the bullshit, so she’s going to hold a garden party where everyone can work through her issues. She’s also going to read from her NEW BOOK.
It’s a novel about the first lady of a church and all the secrets she knows when her husband cheats on her. It’s “loosely inspired” by Gizelle’s life. She’s got a ghost writer and they’ve written a chapter and they’re shopping it around.
Let Gizelle’s book be the inspiration you need to finish your book because the excerpt she reads is just the plot summary.
Ashley goes to see her therapist and spills everything about her relationship with her mom. When Ashley was 5, her mother left her to go live with a boyfriend. Ashley was raised by her grandparents. Her mom has a child with the deadbeat boyfriend and they’ve been on and off for about 15 years. Ashley believes that if she doesn’t do things for the people in her life, they won’t love her anymore. She thinks that if she stops doing things for Michael, he won’t love her anymore and accepting his help means that she’s selfish.
Karen and Gizelle meet up for lunch to bury the hatchet over … Gizelle’s T-shirt? My god, Karen’s complete lack of humor is EXHAUSTING. Bitch, your husband is in trouble for tax evasion. At some point, you gotta laugh. She also decides to order the most expensive thing on the menu. YOUR HUSBAND. IS IN TROUBLE. FOR TAX. EVASION. Ordering the most expensive thing when you know your friend is paying is a STRANGE look.
Monique goes to counseling with her husband at her pastor’s house and she reveals that she had a miscarriage. She doesn’t seem like she’s really thought about it or dealt with it beyond that it happened. She takes it as a sign that she’s supposed to be pursuing other business ventures and the timing isn’t right. Her pastor says, “When you stretch yourself thin, you’re no longer working on purpose. You’re working on passion and passion cannot sustain you.” Which is the most opaque statement I’ve ever heard.
It’s time for the garden party! Charrisse is there and I’m tired of her. She seems pretty smug and keeps trashing Karen in her confessionals even though she isn’t even a cast member. She doesn’t provide enough drama or fun to justify her continued inclusion.
Gizelle opens up the garden party with a “reading” from her book and it’s … rough. It’s about a first lady named Ginger and she basically reads the blurb on the back and asks for feedback.
After the book club section is over, Gizelle opens the floor up to grievances. Most of them involve Robyn. First is the beef between Robyn and Ashley. Robyn (rightfully) calls out Ashley for being all up in her business and after hearing everything about Ashley’s relationship with Michael and her mother, it sounds like Ashley projecting and trying to protect Robyn in a way she couldn’t protect her mother. Robyn finally screams at her, “WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM WITH ME?” and Ashley doesn’t have an answer. Robyn says that Ashley has disrespected her over and over. The consensus is just to mind your business.
Next is Robyn’s beef with Monique. This could all be cleared up if someone explain to Robyn how fan pages work.
The garden party is mostly successful and everyone heads home in a good mood.
Ashley sets up lunch for her mom and today is the day she’s finally going to lay out the plan to cut her mom off … except she doesn’t. She explains that this deadbeat boyfriend is causing problems in her mother’s life and Ashley’s life and Ashley’s marriage. And that the guy was living in a tent when they met. Y’all. You couldn’t get me to take in some tent-living dude if he wasn’t going to get his life together and make my life better.
Instead of cutting her mom off, she’s going to push her mom to get rid of this guy and set up a budget. Ashley’s mom just can’t change or tell Ashley that she’s going to break up with her boyfriend. She keeps saying, “Change is hard” and “You can’t change that fast,” which is what someone says when they have no intention of changing. She says that her boyfriend is the only person who’s been there for her and I can’t imagine how Ashley feels hearing that when she bought her mom a house. Her mom tries to put on a smile and say she’s gonna do her “homework” and Ashley just keeps crying.