Please Enjoy the Wildest Lines From This Will Ferrell and Joaquin Phoenix Interview

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Joaquin Phoenix and Will Ferrell. Photo: Getty Images

Last week, Interview magazine dropped one of the most surprisingly delightful celebrity chats in recent memory. If you didn’t see it until now, please take five minutes and divert your attention to Will Ferrell interviewing Joaquin Phoenix. It’s worth it. We promise. We have no idea why this was orchestrated, but the duo somehow is a match made in conversationalist heaven. Here they are, in their very first exchange:

JOAQUIN PHOENIX: Did you know that it’s Valentine’s Day?

WILL FERRELL: I did. I’m going to a group Valentine’s Day dinner with my wife and four other friends.

PHOENIX: That sounds awful. Can I ask you a question? What is Valentine’s Day?

Then these thespians slowly veer toward the concept of bitchiness.

FERRELL: In your personal life, are you sometimes a little bitch?

PHOENIX: Be more specific.

FERRELL: Can you get a little bitchy if you’re in a bad mood?

PHOENIX: Definitely.

Phoenix has a sensitive side!

FERRELL: When you worked with M. Night Shyamalan, did you ever just once call him M. Night Shyamalamadingdong?

PHOENIX: No.

FERRELL: Okay. How would he have reacted if you were like, “Hey! M. Night Shyamalamadingdong! Can I ask you about this one camera shot?”

PHOENIX: Having been teased most of my childhood about my name—

FERRELL: You’re sensitive to that area.

PHOENIX: [laughs] Yeah.

Phoenix also doesn’t want to attend any of your damn parties.

FERRELL: [laughs] Well, next year I’ll invite you over to watch the Super Bowl.

PHOENIX: You don’t have to.

FERRELL: You don’t even have to watch it.

PHOENIX: I’m trying to do this thing where I’m being honest with people — I don’t want to come. But I’d love to come over to check out your bananas sometime.

They sometimes get angry at each other.

FERRELL: [Ferrell to his wife] Oh, hello.

PHOENIX: This is so fucking unprofessional. I can’t believe you’re doing this. [Phoenix to his dog] Come here. Honey, come here.

But mostly, they’re just fortunate they had the chance to talk.

FERRELL: Well, I think we’ve covered all the pertinent topics.

PHOENIX: I think we should’ve ended it in the beginning.

Release the tapes!

Will Ferrell Interviews Joaquin Phoenix, Madness Ensues