Please allow Op Ed to introduce himself, he’s a man of wealth and bad takes. The Break With Michelle Wolf has gotten the scoop on how those zany thoughts end up on the New York Times’ opinion page. Editorial page editor Edmund Oppenheimer III — “Op Ed” — is the brains behind this operation. In an dizzying song and dance, he explains his peculiar taste: “I need a piece that normalizes sweet Sebastian Gorka, another on why Sea World should’ve killed that orca! Give me 20,000 words defending Kevin Spacey, then 40,000 more that praise the art of John Wayne Gacy!” he sings. “Opinions are like assholes, I wanna taste them all! Write a slavery-denial take, come on get on the ball!” (@ Kanye West!). A fake Bari Weiss even makes an appearance. Will this merit a shady clarification from the Times? Maybe the denizens of 620 Eighth Avenue will be printing pressed!