shots fired

The Onion Declares War on Mark Zuckerberg and Facebook

Mark Zuckerberg.

Remember when news broke earlier this year that Elon Musk had poached several Onion staffers for a mysterious new comedy project, then the Onion and ClickHole retaliated by publishing a ton of articles like “I Did Everything I Could To Buy ClickHole, But Their Editorial Integrity Won Out Over My Billion-Dollar Offers, And I Respect Them Even More For That (By Elon Musk)” and “Elon Musk Embarrassed After Realizing He Proposing Idea For Thing That Already Exists”? Well, another powerful tech billionaire — Facebook’s Mark Zuckerberg — is the target of the Onion’s ire this week, and the result is deliciously and scathingly entertaining.

First there’s this article from March, which is currently the Onion’s pinned tweet:

Then things started heating up yesterday with this:

Then this:

Followed by this:

Yes, there’s more:

There’s also a video:

If you thought that was everything, you are mistaken:

Still going:

Getting darker:

And this: “We’re not going to debase ourselves by accepting handouts from some sociopath tech bro. Do you think throwing a few million dollars at underprivileged kids absolves you of all the terrible shit you’ve done? Get real.”

Zuckerberg’s baby daughter even contributed: “When you really think about it, it’s not that surprising that you got the whole idea for your big website when you were in college and wanted a way to vote on which girls you thought were pretty. If only you’d just had enough self-esteem to trust that you’d eventually marry someone nice like Mommy, then maybe all this trouble could’ve been avoided.”

And the most recent update:

More articles are reportedly on the way, so the war is far from over. Keep an eye on the Onion’s Twitter page to keep tabs on what’s coming next, or better yet, go give them some clicks on their actual website — Facebook certainly won’t.

The Onion Declares War on Mark Zuckerberg and Facebook