Bonnie is bad at parties. In the first episode, she throws a party for her husband, who isn’t even invited. When she goes to a fancy party in the Hollywood Hills she ends up deflowering a pink painting that is hanging on the wall. This episode, she throws her younger daughter Jessica a birthday party and, well, it is about the saddest thing I’ve seen outside of an abandoned ice-cream cone half-melted on the sidewalk.
The whole thing starts when Bonnie has a date with her boyfriend Adam where they are basically just like walking down the sidewalk or something? I don’t know. I was too distracted by Adam’s weird half-ponytail that was sticking out the back of his head. Was this the ’70s equivalent of a bad man-bun? Anyway, Bonnie tells him that he should meet her kids, maybe at Jessica’s birthday party, but Adam demurs. Of course he does. What kind of question was that? Your hot side piece should never meet the kids. There is nothing less sexy than meeting the kids. I would rather eat that half-melted ice-cream cone than meet the kids. Seriously, Bonnie.
Back at home, Becca, Bonnie’s older daughter, told Jessica about Adam and Bonnie is all mad about it. The girls think that he is going to replace their father and she assures them that he won’t. This just reminds her that it’s a bad idea to invite Adam to the party in the first place and maybe she should invite her ex, Steve, instead.
It’s the big night and the four of them are sitting around the kitchen island having Chinese food and pizza, because Jessica couldn’t be bothered to pick either of them. This is what I’m talking about it. What kind of party is this? Bonnie couldn’t even invite one of her school friends? Not cousin Oliver who lives next door? Snatch it together, lady. This isn’t a party, this is just carry-out.
When there’s a knock on the door, of course it is Adam who is there to surprise everyone with a painting he made for Jessica, a girl that he hasn’t met even once. The only thing worse than meeting the kids is a surprise meeting-the-kids. She should have sent him packing right away. Instead Adam and Steve get into a fight with Steve being mean not only to Adam and his painting, but also to his daughters. Adam eventually warns Steve that maybe he will take his place and Steve decks him.
What happens next is a bit befuddling. It appears that Bonnie stays in the kitchen to put ice on Adam’s wound (and on a shiner that appears almost immediately). She sends Steve into the den to just mull over this dude that just insulted him in his own house. One of these guys didn’t have the decency to storm out? No? They both just wanted to stick around for the magician? I don’t blame Bonnie for keeping Adam around, the only thing sexier than a younger dude who can paint is a younger dude who can paint with a shiner.
This turns out to be a net win for Bonnie because now the girls think that Adam is cool because he was smart enough to bring them presents and that their dad is a jerk because, well, he is.
The most exciting story this week, as every week, is Diana. She’s now showing up to the same bar every night and bringing home the hottest dudes I have ever seen in my life. Maybe I have a propensity for guys with shaggy hair, sideburns, and tight bell-bottom pants because the first thing I ever used as porn was the guys on the illustrations of the Butterick patterns my mother bought in the ’70s to make my father’s suits. All of this late-night excitement is starting to take a toll on her work, however, with her showing up late every day and falling asleep in meetings. Even her creepy boss noticed, and they have a weird confrontation where Diana smiles inappropriately at him like she’s trying to seduce him.
It’s also at work where she meets a tall, dark, and handsome stranger who doesn’t want to make any small talk with her so they just go and have a “zipless fuck” in the back of her car. ’Cause she’s so good at what she does, the guy asks for her number so he can see her again. She replies, “Get out of my car.” Damn, what a power move. You know it’s going to bite her in the ass though when that guy turns out to be the owner of her company or something crazy like that.
Kathleen finally figured out everything that’s going on with her boyfriend and business partner Greg when she catches him making out with Alan behind a trailer on a set of a movie they cast. But it’s not until way later in the day, after a row between Kathleen and Diana, that we see her finally confront Greg. What happened on the car ride home? Did she just sit in the passenger seat chewing her nails and smoking out the window while fiddling with the radio? That must have been one very uncomfortable ride.
Kathleen has a great scene with Greg where she cusses him out about not really showing her who he really is so she could never really decide whether she loves him or not. That is what she is most upset about, not the betrayal, but that he’s taken away her power. But after she stands up to him she goes back home and curls up on the couch plotting her next move. I want her to go to that casting agency, kick him out, and make a success of it herself. But for right now she’s throwing a pity party. That’s the kind of party not even Bonnie could screw up.
