In case you were unaware, President Trump is going to discuss the border wall at 9 p.m. on national television tonight — something he has referred to as a “national security crisis” — and all the major networks and cable news channels have chosen to air it live. But just because NBC, ABC, CBS, Fox, PBS, CNN, Fox News, and MSNBC are all airing this “news” doesn’t mean you have to watch it! Now, we recommended you hear Trump out way back at the inauguration, but since tonight’s address will inevitably require some heavy fact-checking, we figured the time has come to offer up some (somewhat) healthy viewing alternatives.
For the first eight minutes of Trump’s speech tonight, you can head over to Instagram Live to watch Stormy Daniels fold some laundry in her underwear. But what about the rest of the speech? Sure, you could fire up your favorite streaming service, but wouldn’t tonight be an ideal evening to show your support for the channels airing something other than Trump? And let’s face it: you’re going to be bombarded with these Trump clips for the next two weeks anyway.
With that, here are ten great options airing on television right at 9 p.m. ET tonight, for your Trump-free viewing pleasure.
1. Beauty and the Beast (Freeform): Animated Disney classics are always a wonderful alternative to anything Trump might have to offer, and while I’m more of a Little Mermaid fan, Beauty and the Beast is pretty fun too. It also gets bonus points for promoting something Trump might not know how to do: read books.
2. Below Deck (Bravo): I have not seen Bravo’s hit reality show Below Deck, but based on contextual clues, I’ve gathered that it has something to do with a boat. When I asked a co-worker to explain the show to me, she described it as “basically people arguing on a boat,” so I guess I wasn’t too far off. Anyway, that’s an option.
3. Big Daddy (E!): Adam Sandler’s recent Netflix comedy special was pretty damn sweet and heartwarming, and Big Daddy is, too. Remember the part when the kid pees his pants?
4. The Breakfast Club (AMC): This 1989 classic actually starts airing at 8 p.m. and wraps up at 10:15 p.m. The running time is an hour and 37 minutes. That means AMC will be airing almost 40 minutes of commercials during this broadcast, which might explain why so many people stick with Netflix these days. Maybe they’ll front-load the commercials during the 8–9 p.m. hour? Also relevant since this movie just danced its way into the news.
5. The Curious Case of Benjamin Button (Starz Encore): This is a movie about a person who comes out of the womb as a wrinkly old man and slowly but surely transforms into a helpless little baby as he gets older. So maybe too similar to the speech?
6. Everybody Loves Raymond (TV Land): Tonight on TV Land, a season eight episode of Everybody Loves Raymond entitled “Debra at the Lodge” will air, in which Ray gets mad that Debra is spending too much time at the lodge. DEBRA!!
7. Lindsay Lohan’s Beach Club: After the Show (MTV): You can whisk yourself away to the sunny coast of Mykonos with Lindsay Lohan’s brand-new reality show … at 8 p.m. But! Starting a few minutes before 9 p.m. is the aftershow, Lindsay Lohan’s Beach Club: After the Show. What is it, exactly? According to a press release, “Lindsay Lohan’s Beach Club: After the Show is a 30-minute program airing directly after the premiere of her brand-new series.” Also, it’s hosted by her Mean Girls co-star Jonathan Bennett. Grool!
8. Monsters Inside Me (Discovery Life): Sometimes you just have to let the episode’s official description do the work for you: “A parasite pushes a pregnant model toward suicide; a boy on summer vacation contracts an infection that rots his flesh; a hidden killer threatens to suffocate a college freshman.”
9. PAW Patrol (Nick Jr.): PAW Patrol is an animated children’s show about six heroic rescue pups who believe “no job is too big, no pup is too small.” In this episode, things apparently get a little awkward when one of the pups gets sprayed by a skunk. Plus, they have to rescue a baby whale trapped under some ice. So this option is only for people who like lots of drama and action.
10. Shark Tank (CNBC): Honestly, is there anything more relaxing than a rerun of Shark Tank? Whether you want to watch people pitch ideas to the Sharks or doze off to the soothing sounds of people talking about projected gross income or explaining why being “pre-revenue” is actually good, there’s just something so soothing about this show.
