King Charles III’s coronation is set for May 6, 2023. That makes his reign a Taurus. It’s also the second coronation of the televised era. Queen Elizabeth II’s coronation was the first televised royal event, and it lasted a whopping three hours. Charles’s ceremony will take less time, but will also have a big ol’ concert attached. The day following the official coronation, Windsor Castle’s East Lawn will host a concert, part of what’s being called the “Coronation Big Lunch.” Per Buckingham Palace, “the concert will see a world-class orchestra play interpretations of musical favourites fronted by some of the world’s biggest entertainers, alongside performers from the world of dance. The performances will be supported by staging and effects located on the Castle’s East Lawn and will also feature a selection of spoken word sequences delivered by stars of stage and screen.”
But who are these stars of stage and screen? And which of the world’s biggest entertainers will be fronting these orchestral interpretations of musical favourites [sic]? And whither the world of dance? The stakes couldn’t be higher for this coronation, as Prince Harry’s book tour has put the Firm on blast. Charles is going to need some heavy-wattage stars to save his reputation. We have some suggestions.
Taylor Swift
Speaking of reputations … Taylor needs to perform “Delicate” at the coronation, and Camilla needs to dance during it. What a full-circle moment it would be, Camilla dancing for her husband. Her husband not being a jerk about it. The lines “This ain’t for the best / My reputation’s never been worse, so / You must like me for me” would never be more apt.
Björk
Björk’s participation in the 2004 Olympics Opening Ceremonies was an artistic high point for athletics, fashion, mother oceania, the whole shebang. Plus, her song “Hyperballad” already sounds tight as fuck when rendered orchestrally.
Metallica and Joseph Quinn
Speaking of bands that already have orchestral renditions of their songs, Metallica has already been covered by Vitamin String Quartet to great effect. What better way to get TikTok back on the royals’ side than bringing Eddie Munson back to life for one last shred?
Naomi Campbell
She’s not exactly from the world of dance, but they should just let her walk around while an orchestra does George Michael or something. She’s so good at walking!
Scott Thompson
Scott Thompson doing his QE2 impression at the coronation of KC3. It will never happen, Thompson is too fond of the monarch to besmirch her memory so. But just take a moment to imagine it in your mind’s eye. Like when Kanye bought that hologram of Robert Kardashian for Kim’s birthday, only somehow even weirder.
