After all that last week, the night’s drama never really gets resolved. Charley and Shay are mad, the crew is watching, and then everyone just goes to bed! Oh, except James and Francesca — they’re up flirting on the deck. And there’s some definite tension there!
But we don’t see too much of it, because before we know it, it’s the next morning. And it’s about time, because these charter guests do not deserve a third episode. Rachel has decided that, to avoid another breakdown, she will have breakfast specials today, and I’m glad she decided this early into the season! So she makes brioche French toast, and it looks great, and everyone seems to love it. Things are going less smoothly up in the bridge: Lee is having trouble docking the boat into a tight slot, and after last season of Med in Spain, I’m hardly entertained by this anymore. Lee does get mad at Elizabeth for getting on the radio, twice, while he’s trying to dock. “If I hear one more fucking interior person on the goddamn radio,” he says. This crew is going to learn quickly not to mess with Captain Lee!
Now it’s “the sad part,” as Charley calls it, because he and his friends are leaving (and he’s possibly not talking to some of them ever again). He tells the crew they had some struggles but kept a good attitude, tells Lee he’ll be back, and hands him what looks to be a sizable tip envelope. Turns out it’s $25,000, so the crew is ready to forget all the bad of that charter and count their cash! And Izzy is moving to exterior, too! Yay!
Except Eddie and Francesca are already fighting over who gets Izzy when, and I get the feeling that it may not be a smooth transition of power. Izzy has to clean a pantry for Francesca, but what she really wants to do is go to Eddie’s lines class, so go to Eddie’s lines class she does. And compared to Shane, she seems to know her shit! Maybe this will be a good thing! And Eddie seems to have a great time putting that (adventure) education degree to use and teaching his crew.
The crew is having their first night out, and no one could be more excited than James. They get to the restaurant, where a round of espresso martinis is waiting for them, to the horror of Elizabeth and Izzy. The restaurant is loud and they eat sushi, but those details aren’t really important because did you see how James downed that drink? He tells Elizabeth that astrology is stupid and that he’s a Gemini, and even though that’s two warning signs right there, Elizabeth is still kind of into him. When dinner is over, Eddie and Francesca decide it’s time to go to bed (it’s not Kate’s crew anymore!), which disappoints James, who was ready to go clubbing. I hope we see this crew hit the clubs at some point, but for now I’m with them — even I’m tired after Charley’s charter. On the way back to the boat, James tells Eddie, “We’re not here to work,” which is not true and should not be a thing you say to your boss. “All we have to do is wash a boat,” he adds. But have you seen how big that boat is?
The next morning, it’s Shane who isn’t up on time — at 8:04 a.m., he’s brushing his teeth and looking at a map on a wall, and Eddie is mad. It’s not a much better morning for Lee, who’s watching the rain roll in while he tries to work out with his sore ribs. But then our new stewardess comes to the rescue! And she’s not a stew of seasons past! Her name is Ashling, she’s from Australia like Francesca, and she’s been up for a while after a long flight and losing her bag in transit. She doesn’t want to room with James, and who can blame her, so Izzy reflexively gives her spot and jumps into James’s bunk. And that, Med season-five crew, is how you fix cabin arrangements! Ashling says she has 12 months of experience and had a bad chief stew on her last boat, so she’s ready to start anew with Francesca. She’s hoping to “get on like a house on fire,” which is not a saying I’ve heard before and doesn’t sound like it’s a good thing, but sure! Elizabeth, then, is going to be second stew, which Francesca hopes will “give Elizabeth that ‘pick up the ass’ to motivate her.” The plan isn’t working so far, because Captain Lee doesn’t have his ironed white shirt on time, and when he gets it, it’s still damp.
But enough of that, because we have guests to meet! And let me just say, Jesus Christ, I may not make it through this one. Our co-primaries are Dax and Max, with a group of young 20-something guests, which makes me, your humble recapper who is also in his 20s, wonder what I did wrong, considering they’re on a yacht and I’m just writing about it. (Who am I kidding? I did nothing wrong, they did nothing right, and all credit goes to their superrich parents!) Dax has some surfing-business thing, and Max is Max Gilliam, quarterback of the University of Nevada, Las Vegas, Rebels. Really, all you need to know about them is Dax and his girlfriend got the primary suite because Dax beat Max in beer pong. They are here to drank: Champagne, margaritas, Jell-O shots, you name it.
Not much happens for a bit, except that Francesca totally overwhelms Ashling by telling her everything she expects her to do as a stew. Then it’s raining, and as it’s raining, Shane radios Eddie to tell him there’s rain coming in. “Man, you are very observant,” Eddie tells him. Shane says he’s going to stand up for himself, so he marches down to Eddie and tells him he didn’t appreciate the sarcasm, and Eddie just laughs. And so do I, even though I’ve seen this in multiple previews. This kid! Eddie says he’ll play it straight with Shane from now on, and I don’t think Shane knows what he’s getting into.
Anyway, Eddie and Shane pick up a nude sushi model because these kids want to eat sushi off a naked woman, which I have learned from some light research is pretty frowned upon nowadays! I, for one, am for them making idiots of themselves on a TV show. When Eddie, Shane, and our poor sushi model get back, Shane throws the line wrong and gets it caught in the water, which causes some huge mess that I can’t quite follow. Then we’re setting up the model, and Rachel is making perfect sushi rolls — because, after all, she learned in Japan. The kids couldn’t give less of a fuck come dinner, as Rachel tries to explain the fancy cuts of fish while they’re just snapping photos and grabbing at this woman. Poor Rachel feels like she wasted the fancy fish on these kids, who just want more Jell-O shots, which I wouldn’t think would pair well with sushi anyway?
Then Eddie is telling Captain Lee about Shane and the lines, and Lee says he’s going to knock some sense into Shane. Elsewhere, in the stew kitchen, Ashling is crying because she’s been up for 30-something hours. And that’s where this episode leaves us. Put that woman to bed!
Tips
• This episode had Izzy’s “My vibrator is my best friend” line during a conversation with Rachel about having relationships as yachties. It just might’ve made me giggle if I hadn’t heard it in every single preview for this damn season.
• Shortly after the charter, Lee is rummaging through the pantry looking for a bottle of vodka. Same.
• Izzy is okay with rooming with James because on her last boat, she roomed with the engineer, a 60-year-old German man. Good for Izzy, I guess?
• Shortly after these kids stepped onboard (and by the time I already hated them), a few of them walked past the bridge and saw Lee. “Is that the captain?” they said, giggling. Uhhh, who did you think was driving the boat??
• Of course James says he’d eat sushi off a naked woman.
