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  • Posted 4/27/15 at 5:24 PM
  • Dolls

The Amy Schumer Doll Is a Lot Like the Real Amy Schumer, So Pretty Much a Parent’s Worst Nightmare

Thanks to Mattel, a bunch of famous women — including Ava DuVernay, Kristin Chenoweth, and Emmy Rossum — just got immortalized in plastic with their very own Barbie "shero" dolls. Not to be outdone, Amy Schumer has a doll of her own, and it's pretty much the Cabbage Patch Kid from hell. She comes equipped with birth control, liquor to spike her tea, cranberry juice for her UTI, and other essentials for debauchery most definitely not mom-approved. We're sold!

Lifetime Is Making an ‘Unauthorized’ Full House Movie, Too

How rude: Just as Full House got picked up for a Netflix reboot, Lifetime decided to capitalize on the '90s sitcom's newfound buzz by developing a behind-the-scenes movie about the show. It'll be the network's second "unauthorized" TV biopic after the Saved by the Bell one from last year, which was decidedly not good. According to The Hollywood ReporterThe Unauthorized Full House Story will "explore the pressure [the cast] faced to balance idyllic family life on the show with the more complicated reality of their own lives." We can't wait to learn which group of quadruplets they'll get to play the Olsen twins!

What You Need to Know About That Black-and-White House on Game of Thrones

"Welcome to the House of Black and White! Hide your eyes!" This is how Game of Thrones executive story editor Bryan Cogman introduces the set at Belfast's Titanic Studios, where the interiors of the show's latest location are shot. Inside, it's a mysterious space, of which Maisie Williams's character Arya gets to see only a corner in the most recent episode (more will be revealed as the season progresses). But what goes on here? Why do people visit it, and tremble at those who work there?

Here’s what you need to know about the House of Black and White, and its guild of assassins, the Faceless Men. Spoilers ahead.

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In Praise of Sansa Marrying Ramsay on Game of Thrones

In a series full of unhappy unions, last night's Game of Thrones just introduced the unhappiest of all: As some fans predicted, Sansa Stark is indeed going to marry Ramsay Bolton. The impending marriage is a wholesale plot invention by producers David Benioff and D.B. Weiss — in the original novels, Ramsay seals the Boltons' hold on Winterfell by marrying Sansa's friend Jeyne Poole, who's posing as Arya Stark, while Sansa is betrothed to a young lord in the Vale. Needless to say, book readers flipped out at the prospect of one of their favorite characters being married off to yet another bloodthirsty maniac. "If Ramsay touches Sansa, I will burn everything to the ground,"tweeted one. Others were more optimistic, like the fan who hoped Sansa eventually "drives a stake through Ramsay's dick." In the wake of this overwhelming dismay, we'll be the first to offer the young couple a hearty congratulations! Because this new engagement is one of the best things that could have happened to their characters. 

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Which Foreign Actors Do the Best American Accents?

In The Age of Adaline, 82-year-old Ellen Burstyn plays the daughter of 27-year-old Blake Lively, yet somehow, that’s not the most belief-beggaring parent-child relationship in this romantic drama about a woman who doesn’t age. Instead, I found myself more distracted by Lively’s love interest, Dutch actor Michiel Huisman, whose father in the film is played by Harrison Ford. Huisman is talented, handsome, and adept, but he bears no physical resemblance to Ford, and his shaky American accent — with the occasional Dutch lilt on the wrong syllable — is so different from Ford’s gruff midwestern bark that you almost expect Huisman to deliver a throwaway line about his childhood stint at a European boarding school.

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  • Posted 4/27/15 at 4:13 PM

6 Things to Know About Marvel’s Newest Movie Villain, Baron Zemo

German cutie Daniel Brühl will be playing supervillain Helmut Zemo in next year’s hotly anticipated Marvel offering Captain America: Civil War. Don’t have any clue who that character is? You’re not crazy or ignorant — he’s pretty obscure outside of comics circles. Here are six core facts about this Teutonic terrorist’s schtick (with, of course, the caveat that Marvel might change any and all of it for his cinematic incarnation).

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Bob’s Burgers Recap: Genethoven

The Story
In an effort to draw more customers to the restaurant, Bob enlists his kids to form a promo band. The band is such a (minor) hit that it encourages Gene to start a real band at school with the help of some classmates, including Regular-Size Rudy and Darryl. Their talent is debatable, but their fun is contagious, so they’re invited to play at the most popular sixth-grader’s birthday party. When Darryl finds out Gene only knows one key and three chords, however, the farting maestro is booted, Steve Jobs (or David Lee Roth) style, from the group. While Gene’s worrying about his future as a musician, Bob and Linda are worrying about their careers as restaurant owners, thanks to a gnarly armpit rash that has Mama Belcher sporting some major fur.

Strawesome! »

Peggy and Pete, Together Again on Mad Men

Mad Men loves a loop, an echo. This final chapter of the show has hammered home this repetition, with many of our characters reliving and redoing processes we've seen before. Last night's "Time & Life," during which Don insisted we were at "a beginning," brought back one of the most important threads of the show: the bond between Peggy and Pete.

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Your Imaginary Best Friend Jenny Slate Reunites With Obvious Child Team for FX Pilot About Female Friendship

Jenny Slate is reteaming with Obvious Child director Gillian Robespierre and writer Elisabeth Holm for an FX pilot about female friendship, the network announced today. Slate and Ari Graynor will play "two gutsy born-and-raised New Yorkers who discover each other in their 30s" and decide to go on a road trip after making a film together. The project is currently untitled, so in the meantime, we'll just call this thing Every Vulture Reader's Dream.

Mad Men Recap: ‘I Thought We Were Safe’

"Time & Life" begins and ends with images of erasure. This seems altogether right. The episode was written by Erin Levy and series creator Matthew Weiner and directed by Jared Harris, whose character, Lane Pryce, died the ghastliest of the series’ many deaths and has figuratively haunted the firm ever since. The entire hour takes us one step closer to the abyss of which Mad Men and its characters have always been conscious, whether they say so or not.

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12 Teams That Defined Superhero Storytelling

With history’s biggest, most profitable story about a superhero team — the inevitable megasmash Avengers: Age of Ultron — coming out this week, let’s take a moment to think about what makes such teams work as fictional constructs. Why do comics readers and moviegoers come back to this simple, stupid idea (a bunch of people with miraculous abilities fight things and hang out together) over and over again? Sure, part of it is simple bigger-is-better maximalism, but we don’t crave superhero teams simply because more fists mean more punching. Ever since the first major superteam debuted in 1940, the concept has evolved into something that — when it’s done well — is unlike any other kind of fictional grouping.

Much as superheroes can express an individual struggle writ large, the most interesting superteam stories use extreme violence, anguish, and triumph to dig into group dynamics. It’s been a gradual evolution, but if we look at 12 iconic superhero-team lineups (well, technically, 14, but we’ll get into that) that have changed the history of superhero fiction, we can get a better understanding of why a story like The Avengers or the eventual Justice League films grab attention more than a movie about any single member of those groups.

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Mad Men Fashion Recap: Moving On Up?

We already know that Mad Men’s characters don’t deal particularly well with change, and there was plenty of upheaval in last night’s episode, as the agency found out they were moving out of the Time-Life Building, under the aegis of McCann Erickson. Both the office old-timers and the newbies, like Don’s chirpy secretary, Meredith, seemed to have trouble grappling with the decision. And a plot to relocate the office to L.A. quickly fizzles.

The more things change, the more the characters' wardrobes remain static. »

X-Men: Apocalypse: This Is What Nightcrawler Will Look Like

For the first day on set of X-Men: Apocalypse, director Bryan Singer teased the first image of Kodi Smit-McPhee as a young Nightcrawler in a video (okay, "video") that disappeared almost as quickly as it went up. We get that it was a joke (okay, "joke"), but maybe they were just embarrassed? Here's the still photo of Nightcrawler that was left behind.

Refused Are Back With Their First New Song in 17 Years

After a 17-year-long break from music, Refused will release their fourth album, Freedom, this June. And we already have its first headbanging new single, "Elektra," produced by none other than Taylor Swift fave (and fellow Swede) Shellback.

But in case the name Refused isn't ringing any bells — after all, the last time they were musically relevant was 1998 — here's a quick refresher. You might remember Refused for their bloodcurdling hit "New Noise" (especially that bonkers video). It's a song from 1998's The Shape of Punk to Come, an album that cemented their status as the quasi-godfathers of screamo. Though their influence may have had staying power, the band itself didn't. They broke up not long after that album's release due to internal bickering. They reunited for some shows (most memorably Coachella) in 2012, but then broke up again.

Fast-forward to 2015, and it appears they're back for good? Or at least long enough to release an album. "It’s not a reunion anymore. This is one of the most radical things we’ve ever done, both musically and lyrically," front man Dennis Lyxzén says. Just tell me one thing: Can I scream?!

Watch Kalinda Say Good-bye to The Good Wife (and to You Watching at Home)

Oh, Kalinda, we’ll miss you. On last night’s The Good Wife, all this Lemond Bishop mess finally caught up with Kalinda (played by Archie Panjabi, whose contract is up at the end of this season). Well, actually, she pretty perfectly planned handing over the evidence to Geneva Pine so she wouldn’t get caught, but Cary messed it up for her in the end (or, you know, fate did). (Read our recap for all the info.) So Kalinda decides to leave town rather than be killed. She leaves Grace, and everyone watching at home, with a very direct good-bye:

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Real Housewives of Atlanta Reunion Part One Recap: Reunited and It Feels So Awful

All of the goodwill and love the Housewives pulled out of their hearts in the Philippines has been sucked back into dark, nebulous holes deep within their souls. Everyone basically hates everyone else all over again; this reunion just got great — or completely awful, depending on your tolerance for yelling.

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Buy Your Vulture Festival Tickets Now!

Last week we announced the initial lineup for our second annual Vulture Festival, which happens May 30–31 in New York City. While we still have some major announcements to make, we want to let you know that you can get tickets now for what's on tap. (Yes, now now.) That is, if you want to see Jerry Seinfeld, Amy Poehler, Tig Notaro, Beau Willimon, or Inside Out, you should skedaddle. Buy your tickets here, and we'll see you soon!

Good News, Directioners! Stephen Hawking Says Zayn Is Still Part of 1D ... in Another Universe

Of all the people who could be a shoulder to cry on for One Direction fans still reeling over Zayn's departure, Stephen Hawking probably isn't at the top of anyone's list. And yet the renowned physicist knew just the right thing to say to a young girl's inquiry about the "cosmological effect" of Zayn going solo and "consequently breaking the hearts of millions of teenage girls across the world." Appearing via hologram at a Q&A at the Sydney Opera House on Saturday night, here was his incredible response:

"Finally, a question about something important. My advice to any heartbroken young girl is to pay close attention to the study of theoretical physics. Because one day there may well be proof of multiple universes. It would not be beyond the realms of possibility that somewhere outside of our own universe lies another different universe.

And in that universe, Zayn is still in One Direction. This girl may like to know that in another possible universe, she and Zayn are happily married."

Science!

The Many Men of Brienne of Tarth

In the midst of Westeros' trademark gloom, Brienne and Pod's heart-to-heart on Sunday night's Game of Thrones is the closest thing GOT has had to a heartwarming moment. "I'm sorry I'm always snapping at you," she tells him. His response is straight out of an inspirational teacher movie: "If you didn't snap at me, I wouldn't learn anything." And so, Brienne of Tarth finds a new purpose in life: She's going to help Podrick Payne become a knight! Not literally, of course — it takes a knight to make a knight, and Brienne's no Ser — but she'll still teach him how to ride a horse and fight with a sword.

Just by being respectful, nonviolent, and non-incestuous, Brienne and Podrick's relationship is a rare thing in Westeros, and it's unique in being the only relationship we've seen so far where the woman holds 100 percent of the power. (Margaery and Tommen come close, but as king, Tommen has at least nominal authority.) Brienne cares for Podrick, and she tries to do right by him, but throughout their travels, there's never any doubt as to which of them wears the armor-plated pants. And yet it's clear that Pod doesn't resent her for it; he regards her with openhearted awe and admiration. That's to be expected — since Brienne was introduced in the beginning of season two, no other female character has had quite the same variety of interactions with the men of Westeros.

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Mariah Carey’s ‘Infinity’ Takes Us Back to the ’90s

Mariah Carey has had a rough time lately: She was struggling in concert, filed for divorce from her husband Nick Cannon in January, and has to fend off comparisons from these little whippersnappers. So why not remember the good times — i.e., the '90s? Enter "Infinity," the (only) new track off her compilation album, #1 to Infinity, which has all 18 of her No. 1 singles, plus this single. It's a throwback in the best way: empowering lyrics, soaring vocals, and a chorus with multisyllabic words (and French!) that you can mangle at karaoke. Take that, Nick Cannon!

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