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Teens, Texting Moms Win As NYC Ends Public-School Cellphone Ban

In a rare victory for both teens and helicopter parents, the city has officially ended its cellphone ban in public schools on Monday. The Bloomberg-era ban has been in place since 2007 — though, let's be real, most kids were probably sneaking those phones in anyway (Mayor de Blasio's son Dante was a known rule-breaker). The non-rebels and kids who couldn't get their phones past metal detractors will also be able to save $1 a day now that they won't have to hand over phones to bodegas and vans for safekeeping. Each school can create its own policy on cellphone use, but the Department of Education's general guidelines are to have students put them away during the schoolday, otherwise teachers will probably be dealing with a cellphone reign of terror. But go ahead, kids: start Snapchatting or Yik Yakking or whatever it is you do these days. Just remember, you no longer have an excuse when your mom texts you during free period. 

Stop Making Dudes Named ‘John’ and ‘David’ CEOs

The Upshot blog over at the New York Times created a "Glass Ceiling Index" that compares how many women hold jobs at the top of the career ladder compared to men named John, Robert, William, or James. The results were upsetting. The Jameses, Roberts, Johns, and Williams of America outnumber women in CEO tallies at S&P 1500 firms, in lists of economics professors, on corporate boards, and among House and Senate Republicans.

As for the White House, Justin Wolfers writes, "The United States, which has never had a female president, has had six named James, five named John and four named William. Thus, even if Hillary Clinton were to be elected, the Glass Ceiling Index would be 15."

The only less-than-depressing thing to come out of the analysis is this correction, which would look very odd out of context: "An earlier version of this article, and an accompanying chart, gave an incorrect ratio for the number of Jims, Bobs, Jacks and Bills to women in the American population. It is 0.12 to 1, not 0.24 to 1."

Unsolicited Advice From Warren Buffett

Capitalist fever dream and human–Coca-Cola hybrid Warren Buffett has a lot of opinions, and because he is also a man, he loves sharing them unprompted. In addition to advising celebrities like A-Rod and Floyd Mayweather, he's also fond of chiming in out of nowhere to bestow his wisdom upon unsuspecting targets. Much of it is delightful, like when he told Congress to tax the rich. And then there's the time he told Elizabeth Warren, during a "Squawk Box" interview this morning, that she should be less angry. Here's your unofficial guide to Warren Buffett's unsolicited advice.

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Yankees Running Out of Jerseys So Quickly They May Be Forced to Play Shirts vs. Skins

By the end of the summer, the New York Yankees will have retired 21 jersey numbers since 1939. Once Derek Jeter retires, they'll lose another. The fact that a zero has never been worn by a member of the team makes the list of unattainable numbers even longer. A backup shortstop told the New York Times, “They’re going to have to go to triple digits pretty soon. I don’t think they want to have to go to negative numbers.” According to the equipment manager's color-coded list, the only available numbers are 38, 50, 57, and 69. No other baseball franchise comes close; the St. Louis Cardinals have second place in this weird contest, with 13 decommissioned numbers. Given current conditions — and controlling for factors like the number of times a pun about the Yankees appears in the New York Post, the decibel level of insults hurled by the Boston Red Sox at Yankee Stadium on a random evening in September, and the average number of Yankee jerseys being worn at Times Square at 3:21 p.m. — it appears that the Yankees will be able to celebrate its bicentennial by retiring the numbers 1776, -42, and 58008. 

Justice Department Reportedly Finds Racial Bias in Ferguson Traffic Stops

A Department of Justice report that could be released as early as this week has found racial bias in some Ferguson police department procedures, according to sources who spoke with the New York Times. Though the DOJ will reportedly clear Officer Darren Wilson in the shooting of teenager Michael Brown that sparked nationwide anti-police protests this summer, the new report will cite "discriminatory traffic stops," saying officers primarily ticketed African-Americans in order to pad their budget with the fines.

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