Alabama kicker Cade Foster had a rough night during the Iron Bowl, missing three field goal attempts and getting benched in favor of a freshman whose potentially game-winning kick fell short (then got returned for an Auburn touchdown). This led to death threats and various other abuse for the senior, whose team stuck up for him but who all the same must have been feeling pretty low. But then he got some support from an unexpected quarter: According to Foster's Instagram, former President George W. Bush sent him a note of support on official stationary. It says: "Dear Cade (#43), Life has its setbacks. I know! However, you will be a stronger human with time. I wish you all the best – Sincerely – another 43 George Bush." How nice! Foster says he's framing it. Let's hope this one isn't a hoax.
A smart thief would probably not want to be seen doing something very memorable, for a long period of time, outside the very apartment from which she plans on stealing. However, perhaps the burglary — the woman and her accomplice stole two packages from the lobby of a Clinton Hill apartment — was a spur of the moment thing. For example:
Woman: Woo, twerking intermittently for the past hour has made me pretty thirsty.
Man: Maybe there are some beverages in those packages.
How the hell did this happen? How?
When the female patient was transported at about 3 a.m. on Nov. 1 for a “drug or intoxication” issue, she could not be identified by name but a person accompanying them said the patient lived in a New School dorm so the EMS workers filled out the form with “unknown” for the first name and “Asian” for the last name, the source said.
The form was processed and sent to a fire department billing contractor, which then sent out the oddly-addressed bill.
“It’s a clerical or administration error that the bill was sent out,” the source said.
Hmmm. We kind of feel like the error here is that EMS assumed that an Asian person's last name was Asian.
The secret sauce in the budget deal is that Republicans evaded their theological opposition to taxes by agreeing to jack up some “fees.” Matt Yglesias argues that this is a pointless charade — he compares it to technical virgins who engage in anal and oral sex. Actually, the GOP’s we’ll-raise-taxes-but-not-really stance makes perfect sense, in pretty much the same way that being a technical virgin does.
The Florida man will no longer face domestic violence charges, prosecutors announced today, after Zimmerman's girlfriend took back accusations — hear the 911 call here — that he choked her, smashed her stuff, and pointed one of his many guns at her face. "I want to be with George," she said in a sworn statement, effectively closing the case. Recent history, however, indicates he'll be back.
A plan to legalize and tax marijuana throughout New York State was introduced today by Democratic State Senator Liz Krueger, who wants to make it clear she is not a pothead. "Am I supporting this legislation because I think everybody should go out and smoke marijuana or because I want to smoke marijuana? No," she said, noting that the last time she got high was at a 1976 screening of a Cheech and Chong movie. But in reference to the endless arrests of young men for small-time possession, she said, "We’re paying taxpayer money to ruin lives, disproportionately for those from communities of color, with no real public policy goal to be found in any of it."
Not content with making assumptions about Michelle Obama based on contextless facial expressions captured in photographs, the tabloid media is attempting to concoct marital strife between George and Laura Bush out of even thinner gruel. Behold the Daily News's interpretation of another completely innocuous photo, also from the Nelson Mandela memorial. Not only is Laura Bush not giving her husband a "look" for chatting with Jordan's Queen Rania, she's literally not even looking at him. Laura Bush Flashes Neutral Facial Expression While Sitting in Chair and Looking at Stuff — Will the Marriage Survive?
Former New Jersey Transit officer Christopher Onesti is pulling in $46,000, tax free, for the rest of his life following a forced retirement before his 30th birthday. In 2008, he accidentally put a staple through his finger and was deemed "totally and permanently disabled." The injury, a doctor said, could "significantly impede his ability to fire a weapon." It was his non-shooting hand.
Optimists are presenting the very small budget deal agreed to by both parties as a new day in Washington, a down payment that can clear the way for further dealing down the road. In truth, it’s the end of the road, a small salvage operation for a grand failure of governance and political strategy stretching over three years.
- 1. Congressional Republicans Reveal Secret Love for Obamacare
- 2. Guy Doing Sign Language at Mandela Memorial Was Actually Just Waving His Arms Around
- 3. Adam Levine’s Third Victoria’s Secret Model Girlfriend Gets a Ring
- 4. Sons of Anarchy’s Kurt Sutter on the Season-6 Finale and What’s Next for Jax and Gemma
- 5. Rashida Jones Was a Whore Between 2007 and 2011
- 6. Sons of Anarchy’s Maggie Siff on Tara and Jax, and the Heartbreaking Season-6 Finale
- 7. The Dumbest GIFs From the Victoria’s Secret TV Special
- 8. Sons of Anarchy Season-6 Finale Recap: Owning Your Place
- 9. Washington Basks in Extremely Tiny Bipartisan Accomplishment