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For an Ironic Jiggle Flick, Baywatch Is Not Half-Bad

The new Baywatch movie is both a remake and a send-up of the preeningly stupid boobs-and-pecs TV lifeguard drama that was a joke the instant it premiered — though not the kind of joke in which the makers incessantly nudged you in the ribs and flattered you for getting all the meta. This one is so pickled in irony that the characters have to comment on every jiggle. It’s the smart-ass nerd’s Baywatch. The movie is okay, though, if you don’t mind manic pacing and icky dick jokes. (One peen belongs to a corpse.) The idea of lifeguards playing detective is so fundamentally ridiculous that making fun of it never gets old. Anyway, the most important thing is the bods.

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Jane Campion Thinks It’s ‘Insane’ She’s the Only Woman Director to Win Cannes in 70 Years

The Cannes Film Festival organizers must be pretty thrilled Jane Campion showed up to France this week. This is the fest’s big 70th anniversary year, which was marked with a giant celebration of the festival’s history — and also the glaring fact that Campion is the only woman filmmaker who has won the festival’s top prize in seven decades. (At least that puts Cannes slightly ahead of the Oscars, which has only had one woman filmmaker win Best Director in 89 years.)

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  • Posted 5/26/17 at 12:49 PM

Male Stars Are Too Buff Now

Here are two objective and related truths about the new Baywatch movie: (1) It is bad; and (2) Zac Efron is too swoll.

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  • Posted 5/26/17 at 11:33 AM

What Makes the First Three Pirates of the Caribbean Movies So Great

In the 14 years since the first movie’s release, it’s become easy to take the Pirates of the Caribbean franchise for granted. The fourth entry in the series, On Stranger Tides, was critically thrashed and has been largely forgotten. According to Vulture’s David Edelstein, the newest installment, Dead Men Tell No Tales, isn’t much better. But to dismiss Pirates as a whole is to ignore the alchemy that director Gore Verbinski pulled off with his original trilogy, The Curse of the Black Pearl, Dead Man’s Chest, and At World’s End.

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  • Posted 5/26/17 at 11:13 AM

Which Cannes Movies Could Become Oscar Contenders?

Though awards season doesn’t kick off in earnest until the fall, two big film festivals from the first half of the year typically supply their fair share of eventual Oscar contenders. Back in January, the Sundance Film Festival teed up worthy dramas like Call Me by Your Name and Mudbound, and now it’s time for the Cannes Film Festival to weigh in. Several Cannes premieres figured into the last Oscar race, including Best Picture nominee Hell or High Water, Best Actress also-rans Isabelle Huppert (for Elle) and Ruth Negga (for Loving), Original Screenplay contender The Lobster, and Best Foreign Language Film winner The Salesman. Has this year’s Cannes crop produced as strong a group of competitors? Let’s look over the field so far and see which Oscar races have become more interesting.

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  • Posted 5/26/17 at 9:50 AM

How the Manchester Arena Bombing Is Affecting the Entertainment Industry in the U.K.

As the United Kingdom continues to process the aftermath of the May 22 terrorist attack at an Ariana Grande concert at Manchester Arena that left 22 people dead and nearly 60 injured, it still remains to be seen how the region’s entertainment industry will be immediately affected. On Tuesday, British prime minister Theresa May raised the U.K.’s threat level to “critical” for the first time in a decade, indicating that another attack could be “imminent.” Meanwhile, the police investigation into the Manchester bombing is ongoing. Below are all the entertainment-related events in the U.K. that have been canceled, postponed, or going forward as scheduled in the wake of the attack.

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The French AIDS-Crisis Film That Had Journalists Weeping at Cannes

Following one of Cannes’s infamously early 8:30 a.m. press screenings, you’ll usually see small groups of journalists gathering in the theater lobby, parsing out their hot takes on what they’ve just seen. But at the end of last Saturday’s morning screening of the French film 120 Battements Par Minute (120 Beats Per Minute), set during the battle between dying HIV-positive youth and pharmaceutical companies in early-1990s Paris, there was no talking, just the sounds of weeping, then applause, then devastated silence as the press corps filed toward the exit. A gay male colleague had sat beside me as we’d both wiped away tears. We looked at each other, without a word, and hugged.

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Baywatch Producers Already Planning The Sequel, Because We Get the Franchises We Deserve

Baywatch doesn’t open in theaters until tomorrow, but the studio is feeling so optimistic about it, people are already talking publicly about the plot for a sequel. Producer Beau Flynn told Variety during a red-carpet interview, “We have an amazing story already,” adding that the plan would be to bring back the whole core cast — the Rock, Zac Efron, Alexandra Daddario, Kelly Rohrbach, Ilfenesh Hadera, and Jon Bass — along with writers Damian Shannon and Mark Swift. “We just have this really cool idea to put them in this whole new world. We would take it overseas.” Although the movie is rating pretty dismally among critics, it’s tracking to bring in more than $30 million, which is about half the cost of production. Add in the international box office and Baywatch will likely land handily in the black for Paramount.

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This Hilariously Explicit Match Cut Had Cannes Audiences Clapping

When it comes to sex, the Cannes Film Festival is up for anything. Whether it’s deaf hotties sixty-nining in The Tribe, a topless Kristen Stewart doling out double hand jobs in On the Road, or some especially giggly scissoring in The Handmaiden, the last several years of Cannes have provided a vast array of cinematic carnality, and there are few limits to how explicit things can get: Just think of the marathon lovemaking in Palme d’Or winner Blue Is the Warmest Color, or the 3-D glasses handed out before Gaspar Noé’s pornographic Love that made one ejaculatory shot really pop off the screen.

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What’s Leaving Netflix: June 2017

Each month, several films and TV shows leave Netflix’s catalogue. We provide a list of departing titles and recommend a few standouts so you can watch them before they’re gone forever (or are just available on a different site). For more comprehensive coverage of the best titles available on Netflix and elsewhere, check out Vulture’s What to Stream Now hub, which is updated throughout the month.

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  • Posted 5/25/17 at 1:52 PM
  • Marvel

Rosario Dawson Might Join X-Men: New Mutants, Playing Yet Another Marvel Character

How many roles must someone inhabit in the Marvel Cinematic Universe before they’re given a solo project of their own? Ask Rosario Dawson, who is reportedly in talks to join Fox’s X-Men spinoff New Mutants as yet another Marvel character. Dawson has been in every single one of Netflix’s various Marvel series, including the upcoming Defenders, as the heroic nurse Claire Temple and the common denominator among all four of those superheroes. But for New Mutants, she’ll reportedly graduate from nurse to doctor, playing Cecilia Reyes, an M.D. with the mutant power to generate a force field around herself. (And who, like Claire, also helps Daredevil in the comics, but let’s not make this even more confusing.) Reyes will act as the Professor X of this spinoff, in that she’ll be a mentor to Maisie Williams’s Wolfsbane, Anya Taylor-Joy’s Magik, and the rest of the new generation. (James McAvoy’s Professor X reportedly won’t be a part of this film, and neither will Alexandra Shipp’s Storm.) Because the MCU now revolves exclusively around Rosario Dawson.

  • Posted 5/25/17 at 1:38 PM on The Cut

Finally, a Teen-Disease Romance for People Who Don’t Look Like Mandy Moore

Like any other young adult reader, I had a phase in which the only thing that interested me was teen-disease porn. I loved those novels about beautiful young women who suddenly contracted some sort of rare terminal illness and had to learn how to really live and fall in love before expiring, too soon. Too soon.

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Cannes Review: Good Time Is a Thrilling Turn for Robert Pattinson

Constantine Nikas (Robert Pattinson), his hair freshly bleached platinum, sits on a sofa watching Cops with the stoned 16-year-old unwittingly harboring him from law enforcement. We’ve already seen him commit a bank robbery and break a man out of the hospital, and when a suicidal woman on the screen gets tackled by the police in a violent body slam, he winces and changes the channel. “I don’t want to watch them try to justify that,” he mutters, visibly upset.
  • Posted 5/25/17 at 11:22 AM

Mariah Carey Thought Her Movie Character, Mariah Carey, Should Be Able to Deflect Bullets ‘Like Wonder Woman’

As you might expect, Mariah Carey makes a few demands when you work with her on a movie. For instance, when she filmed an appearance in the upcoming Will Ferrell–Amy Poehler comedy The House, according to co-star Rob Huebel, she needed white roses and some stuffed lambs in her trailer. She arrived four hours late. She didn’t want to sing the song she was hired to sing. She also had a few notes on the script, which stipulated that her character, Mariah Carey, would be killed by gunfire. “So then they were going to do this bit where they shoot her, I think, and they kill her — in the movie. Not in real life,” Huebel explained in an interview on EW’s SiriusXM station. “But she didn’t want that. She was like, ‘I don’t think my character would get killed by bullets. What if I deflected them like Wonder Woman?’ They were like, ‘Mariah, we don’t have time for [this]. You’re getting paid so much money. We have you for one day. We don’t have time to argue with you. Just do it.’” Huebel isn’t sure if Mariah’s death actually made it into the film, but if you ever want Carey to cameo in your own film, it will likely serve you well to remember that she is both an elusive and immortal chanteuse.

The Fifth Pirates of the Caribbean Movie Is a Sorry Spectacle

The most interesting thing about the fifth Pirates of the Caribbean movie, subtitled Dead Men Tell No Tales, is that it was made for an insane amount of money in the firm belief it would make four or five times as much. Perhaps it will, perhaps it won’t. But given the title and the participation of Johnny Depp as Captain Jack Sparrow, most studios would have taken the bet.
  • Posted 5/25/17 at 8:56 AM

Cannes: Which Nicole Kidman Is Right for You?

For Nicole Kidman, 2017 is a massive year: Not only will the Oscar-winning actress turn 50 in June, but she’s halfway into a career-high annum, springing from her acclaimed work on HBO’s Big Little Lies to four more exciting projects that all debuted over the past week at the Cannes Film Festival. But listen, you’re a busy Nicole Kidman fan, and we understand! That’s why Vulture’s crack staff at Cannes has assembled this handy guide to all four of her acclaimed performances on the Croisette before they trickle out over the rest of the year, on TV and in theaters. Take a look and determine which Nicole Kidman character (and Nicole Kidman wig) is right for you, then begin planning accordingly.

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Salma Hayek Brought Her Own Mariachi Band to the Cannes 70th Anniversary Party

It is a truth universally acknowledged that if you want a party to be all it can be, invite Salma Hayek. The Mexican screen goddess has been a delight everywhere she’s gone at the Cannes Film Festival this week. (Her husband, François-Henri Pinault, is CEO of Kering, which is an official sponsor of the festival.) On Monday, she showed up to the Kering Women in Motion awards in a pale-pink Jessica Rabbit wig and vamped it up for anyone who asked. “I was bored with myself!” she said.

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Cannes Review: Michael Haneke Makes Snapchat Scary in Happy End

God bless whoever introduced Michael Haneke to Snapchat. In Happy End, the notoriously misanthropic director returns to the familiar territory of media-obsessed teens, this time a smartphone-wielding 13-year-old named Eve (Fantine Harduin). In another director’s hands, the predatory framing of the technology could come off as shallowly cautionary, but this is old hat for Haneke; he’s well aware that there’s more wrong with the aristocratic family at the center of the film than what apps the youngest among them is using.

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  • Posted 5/24/17 at 11:07 AM

Watch a Lot of Fantastical Space Battles in the New Trailer for Valerian

Valerian (Dane DeHaan) and Laureline (Cara Delevingne) are intergalactic governmental operatives charged with keeping peace in director Luc Besson’s fantastical galaxy. The duo has ten hours to figure out the threat facing Alpha — “the city of a thousand planets” — and ensure the dreamy cityscape’s safety. Somewhere along the way, the partners encounter none other than good girl gone galactic Rihanna. See Valerian in theaters this July.

Cannes Review: The Beguiled Is Bloodless in All the Wrong Ways

What if Sofia Coppola were to go full gothic horror? There were suspicions she might when the first looks at The Beguiled went around earlier this year. Even for someone who, full disclosure, is in the minority of being an anti-fan of Coppola’s work, this was intriguing. I’m usually not one to call for violence for violence’s sake, but Coppola’s idealized, fashionable aesthetic could potentially benefit from a splash of viscera. Have any of her characters ever screamed?

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