"I felt ridiculous because after, I asked him if he wanted to have a cigarette."
Awarding hunky new European actors and wild sex scenes.
"One of my friends said, 'Nicole Kidman's going to get nominated for an Oscar.' I was like, 'Nah, man. She's not black!'"
A writer who just returned from the fest shows and tells you what it's really like.
"I had to ice them out, you know what I mean?"
Including Eva Mendes singing a lullaby to a naked leprechaun.
But Nicole Kidman convinced him not to.
"I bet Harvey would give a great massage. I think he's so sexy and smart and he's very giving."
Winners were announced, yachts were sent home.
We weren't invited. You probably won't be invited. But if you are, guard your shoes carefully.
"Actors aren't supposed to be intelligent."
We caught 'Ye's new 26-minute film. And then Jay-Z rubbed our back.
This really happened, in the Lee Daniels film The Paperboy.
"I was dancing a little bit, and he said, 'Stop that! This is Cannes!'"
People are still talking about Michael Haneke's new film.
Legs for days on that one!
In the nudity-filled On the Road.
"I don't think we should have press conferences before 1 p.m. in Cannes. I'm going to start that movement."
"I don't believe my own press release, do you know what I mean?"
What did we see and how did it play? Read on.
"I'm often the boyfriend of fashion, and here I'm the boyfriend of cinema."
Also: Chris O'Dowd singing!
As well as The Silver Linings Playbook, with Bradley Cooper and Jennifer Lawrence.
"My heart chakra opens up to a million degrees when I see her."
Marion Cotillard and Shia LaBeouf star in some of the films everyone is discussing.