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Lucas Gardner

  1. I’ll Be Holding a Red Rose, by Lucas GardnerHey Sandra, Just wanted to say I can’t wait for our blind date this Friday! I’ll see you 7 o’ clock sharp at Maguire’s Pub. Since you don’t […]
    By Brian Boone
  2. The Complete Oral History of “The Star Spangled Banner” (Fictionalized […] The following is the complete oral history of Francis Scott Key’s “The Star Spangled Banner.” Certain quotes and other elements have been […]
    By Brian Boone
  3. Space Camp Progress Report, by Lucas Gardner Hello from the United States Space Camp! Your son Spencer is having an absolute “blast” out here. This is a routine progress report from […]
    By Brian Boone
  4. The 15 Best Comedy Books of 2015Congratulations on watching all of the comically progressive original shows on Netflix and Amazon, and then listening to every single podcast. […]
    By Brian Boone
  5. Hardworking Young Professional Seeks New Career in Making Sure the Macy’s […] Dear Mayor Bill DeBlasio and the New York City government at large: Thank you in advance for reading my offer. I believe you might be in […]
    By Brian Boone
  6. A Spencer’s Gifts Manager Chastises the Staff, by Lucas GardnerAlright guys, team meeting. Let’s make this quick, ‘cause we’ve got some fucking strobe lights to sell. Listen, I can’t be here to manage this […]
    By Brian Boone