the week in reality

Hugh Hefner, Somebunny Loves You! (And Your Money)

The Girls Next DoorCourtesy of E!

What’s happening in the land of reality TV.

• Just because he has three girlfriends doesn’t mean Girls Next Door sugar granddaddy Hugh Hefner isn’t a total romantic. The gazillionaire geezer gave his main squeezes Playboy-brand gifts for Valentine’s Day before taking them to dinner — with other Playmates. We’d prefer a crappy box of chocolates.

• On a The Real World: Denver repeat, southern belle Brooke had her twentieth panic attack when faced with the challenge of rappelling down a small cliff. We’d hate to see how she’d react to a slightly larger hurdle, say, having to get a job. Extra bonus: Brooke introduced The Real World blooper reel — and a set of new, supersize boobs! — during the commercial break.

The Search for the Next Doll crowned Asia its newest Pussycat. The 20-year-old New York Knicks dancer beat out fellow finalists Melissa and Chelsea. Her stripperlike name made her the most qualified to grind alongside fellow kittens Carmit, Melody, Ashley, and Foofy. (Okay, we made up that last one.)

• Though America may cause many of the world’s problems, the worst reality show on TV is thankfully not one of them. E!’s British import Katie & Peter — a low-budget look at the U.K.’s favorite famous-for-nothing socialite couple — is so excruciatingly dull that the highlight was an eyelash-tinting session. We’re suddenly proud to have TomKat.

• The spoiled Sons of Hollywood bid farewell to their bachelor pad with a luau-themed party filled with jokes about Sean Stewart’s Vicodin addiction. (Ha … ha?) The show ended with Stewart attempting to follow in dad Rod’s musical footsteps, but word on the street is that he may be doing jail time before studio time.

• It’s not just the stylists who do the cutting on Shear Genius. The judges dumped Lacey at the start of the show for failing to re-create a do no one wants anymore: Meg Ryan’s nineties shag. Contestants faced elimination a second time following a challenge where they used household tools to mold manes. Even crazier than the competition are the hair models, who willingly allowed their locks to get shaped with hedge clippers.

Bachelor alum and vineyard heir Andrew Firestone wined and dined the Charm School–ers, all in the name of teaching good manners. Wannabe singer Heather — who prefers her stage name Neveah — had a made-for-reality-TV meltdown after the always-insane Schatar hid her “$1,500 BCBG suit.” Host Mo’Nique wasn’t havin’ the tears. She gave Heather the boot — ostensibly for her crybaby ways, but maybe also for naming herself “heaven” spelled backward. —Kate Spencer

Hugh Hefner, Somebunny Loves You! (And Your Money)