‘American Idol’: Thar She Blows!

Gibb and the IdolersCourtesy of Fox

Every week on American Idol, contestants perform songs based on a specific theme … then we ignore that theme and create our own. Last night’s stated focus? Barry Gibb–penned Bee Gees songs. The real issue? Blow.

#1: Seacrest dealt Blake a low blow.
Blake Lewis unsurprisingly overplayed his ability to make a song more “contemporary” by beat-boxing, overadorning the music with vocal tics approximating the worst D.J. alive. After the judges slammed his Tourette’s-inspired stuttering on “You Should Be Dancing,” even Ryan Seacrest got in on the fun, instructing viewers to “te-e-e-e-e-e-e-ext the word vote” to Lewis’s digits. Ha-a, Ha-a!

#2: The Bee Gees still love to get high.
Thanks to the surge in popularity they got from the hedonism of seventies disco culture — and, sadly, Andy Gibb’s 1988 cocaine-related death — the Bee Gees have never shaken their close association with nose candy. Nobody was lit during last night’s show; however Barry Gibb (or was that Darrell Hammond impersonating Sean Connery?) got high naturally when he coached LaKisha Jones’s falsetto on “Stayin’ Alive” — and unnecessarily reminded her how the words to the most famous disco song of all time go.

#3: The whole show blew.
In the most lackluster final-four show in Idol history, the most spontaneous moment came from a Judge Judy shout-out. LaKisha blew our ears out by suddenly leaping into shouty-diva mode mid–”Stayin’ Alive” and barely redeemed herself on boring ballad “Run to Me,” while Melinda Doolittle played it too safe with a solid but reserved “Love You Inside Out” and a slightly edgier “How Can You Mend a Broken Heart.” Even Jordin Sparks, whose “To Love Somebody” impressed the judges, fell flat with her closing performance of “Woman in Love.” But Lewis’s bafflingly melody-free second choice, “This Is Where I Came In,” should guarantee his elimination, meaning next week it’ll be up to the three lady finalists to blow us away. —Caryn Ganz

‘American Idol’: Thar She Blows!