‘Ugly Betty’: White Is Not Your Color

Ugly Betty

A Tree Grows in Guadalajara
Season 1 Episode 22
Ugly Betty’s Amanda and Marc St. James.

Ugly Betty may not be the most accurate television show about the fashion world (for that, we have Project Runway), but who needs accuracy when you have lesbians making out? Actually, the big question of the night was whether it’s still a lesbian kiss if it’s between a post-op tranny and the Noxema girl. Luckily, we still had enough wits about us to recognize this week’s Crimes of Fashion.

1. On TV, tighty whiteys are a must.
No, not the boy-panties. We’re talking actual pants. Hilda, Betty’s sister, poured herself into a pair that looked like a second skin. Ladies, white is not the color you want stretched over your ass. And if you want to show your curves that much, at least have someone buy you dinner beforehand.

2. Piling on the patterns is flattering.
We love Marc St. James — he’s almost as bitchy as we are! So why must he be forced to dress like a Barnum & Bailey clown? A brown plaid jacket, a reddish-orange sweater, a purple tie, and a green pocket square … at this point, our retinas burned out, and we could no longer see color. Who says prayer doesn’t work?

3. Earrings make the man
Keeping with our favorite cliché — old man wanting to look young for the hot young piece of ass he’s cheating on his wife with — Bradford Meade decided to update his look for Wilhelmina. And so on went the shimmery tiger print shirt, the leather and alligator jacket, the snug jeans, and … the earring? Is he still taking cues from My Two Dads?

And yet Ugly Betty won us back last night by capturing the very soul of the catwalk. Our hand-clapping moment of glee came when Wilhelmina asked her assistant if her laugh lines were noticeable. Marc, without missing a beat, replied, “You’re as dead on the outside as you are on the inside.” Amen, sister. —Amina Ahktar

‘Ugly Betty’: White Is Not Your Color