Greta and Johnny in Hidden Palms.Courtesy of The CW
We open this week with a particularly disturbing sequence having nothing to do with murder-mystery, but worth noting nonetheless. Johnny’s mom is making mango-nut waffles, which, first of all, mango nut? Huh? The waffles are apparently some sort of old-person aphrodisiac, because mom’s hubby, Bob, comes up behind her, nuzzles her Botoxed neck, and purrs, “Let’s go back to bed.” Insert “Leggo My Eggo” joke here. Also: puke. Okay, back to the shadowy death of one Eddie Nolan.
1. Johnny finds a news clip about Eddie’s “suicide.” It says Eddie was found in his room with a gunshot wound to the head, while his parents were out at a costume ball at the country club. Johnny furrows his brow at this news. We furrow ours at the notion that Johnny has LexisNexis.
2. Greta watches an old video she shot of Eddie, in which he says the following: “Studying’s for wimps!” and “Something’s going on, but I don’t want to talk about it!” Greta (also in the video) refers to Eddie as an “existential lawyer.” We’re not even going to attempt to dissect that.
3. Greta confronts Cliff about sending Johnny creepy IMs (remember 08Nova from last week?), and threatens to “tell the truth” if he doesn’t stop. Cliff counters, “How do you think Johnny will respond to the truth? Do you think he’ll want to touch you?” If Johnny’s a normal 16-year-old boy, then yes.
4. Johnny and Greta break up (yes, they were dating — who knew?) after Greta tells him, “There are things I can’t tell you. Things you wouldn’t understand.” We don’t understand what he sees in her, but then again, we’re not a 16-year-old boy. [Editor’s note: Um, we understand.]
5) 08Nova reappears and writes to Johnny that Eddie didn’t kill himself … he was murdered! The camera pulls back to reveal that 08Nova isn’t Cliff but actually nerdy Liza!
1) Greta killed Eddie by accident, after she found a gun in his room (Eddie was, um, a drug dealer). Cliff saw it happen from his window, so he came over and helped Greta make it look like a suicide.
2) Eddie did kill himself, but only after a struggle with Cliff. Liza saw the whole thing from her garage, and she’s worried that Cliff’s going to kill her next.
3) Eddie’s still alive (the body was a fake!), living in Mexico, and Cliff and Greta are helping him hide. He had to run away from an abusive situation at home! His dad, played by Joe E. Tata, was beating him for getting bad grades!!!
Too bad this show is probably getting canceled. —Emma Rosenblum