the early-evening news

Van Halen Reunites!

Raise your hand if you’re wearing ridiculous pants!Photo: Kevin Estrada/Retna

Van Halen Back Tour Back On: At a press conference in Los Angeles today, assorted members of Van Halen detailed plans to tour with original front man David Lee Roth for the first time in more than twenty years. In a related story, Gary Cherone has announced plans to continue wallowing in obscurity. [Reuters]

Jurassic Park 4 to Be Terrible: The third sequel to Stephen Spielberg’s Jurassic Park will apparently star Laura Dern and feature dinosaurs that have been trained to carry weapons for use in battle. This seems in no way unreasonable. [Cinematical]

Winehouse Pulls Out of Stones Gig: Drinking champion Amy Winehouse has canceled a planned appearance opening for the Rolling Stones in Germany citing her “exhaustion or ill health.” Keith Richards will still perform, despite his. [BBC]

Saudi Arabia to Make First Music Video: For the first time, the government of Saudi Arabia will allow a music video to be produced in the country. Sadly, it will not feature Zach Galifianakis. [AP]

Harry Potter Translator Out of Trouble: The publishers of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows say they won’t seek damages from the French teenager who spent a night in prison last week for translating the entire book from its original English and posting it on the Internet. In a related story, we got a “C+” in high-school French. [AP]

Van Halen Reunites!