We’re Just Not That Into Jennifer Aniston

Aniston to Play Self in Movie: Unpopular actress Jennifer Aniston is reportedly in final talks to join Drew Barrymore and Jennifer Connelly in the ensemble cast of He’s Just Not That Into You, as a woman who can’t find love. She will prepare for the role by remembering everything that’s happened to her in the past three years. [HR]

Not the Coolio Song: Independence Day director Roland Emmerich has signed on to helm a remake of the classic 1966 sci-fi movie Fantastic Voyage, about a five scientists who try to save another scientist from dying of a blood clot by shrinking themselves and being injected into his bloodstream. How can we get on that health plan? [Variety]

CBS Lets Bruckheimer Make Show: Jerry Bruckheimer will produce a pilot for CBS about “a globetrotting team of freelance treasure hunters, led by an ex-Navy SEAL turned archaeologist.” It will be terrible. [Variety]

Brown Goes to Koch, Maybe Jail: Rapper Foxy Brown has signed to Koch Records after thirteen years at Def Jam. In a related story, she’s probably also going to prison. [Billboard]

Some Good Finally Comes From Grindhouse: Stuntwoman Zoe Bell, who played herself in Quentin Tarantino’s Death Proof, has been recruited to star in her first leading role in an as-yet-untitled film about a soldier who returns from Iraq to help a young girl in trouble, presumably through the kicking of asses. [HR]