50 Cent vs. Kanye West: Today’s the Big Day, We Guess

Lame.Photo: Getty Images

Just in case the stench of corny marketing hasn’t yet reached your rap-loving nostrils, both 50 Cent and Kanye West have new CDs out today. If Kanye’s Graduation debuts higher than his Curtis on next week’s Soundscan chart, 50 has vowed to stop making solo albums (though we’re pretty sure he’s lying). Has there ever been a lamer feud in rap-beef history? Probably not. Who will win? Well, it doesn’t really matter — both records are distributed by the same evil, faceless corporation, and Universal Music Group CEO Doug Morris will get a new pony no matter what. Even so, we place our bets after the jump.

50 Cent
Why he’ll win: Regardless of his album’s quality (seriously, it’s terrible), we’re still rooting for 50 since he’s the only one we can count on to gloat. If he wins, he’ll probably just call Kanye “gay” and skip off to his Connecticut mansion to count his Vitamin Water money — but at least that’s something. Also, his 2005 album The Massacre sold 1.1 million copies in four days, which is more than Kanye’s Late Registration sold in its first week that same year.
Why he won’t: By now, people might have heard parts of Curtis, and that can only hurt him.

Kanye West
Why he’ll win: Besides the fact that it’s definitely the superior album, Graduation is outselling Curtis two-to-one in preorders on Amazon and iTunes. Also, according to data provided by a popular BitTorrent site (whose name we won’t mention for fear of losing our pirating privileges), Kanye’s album has been downloaded twice as many times. Plus, everyone wants to see 50 weasel his way out of his promise to retire.
Why he won’t: His subpar beefing skills? Nah, he’ll probably win.

Who will really win: Kenny Chesney, who also has an album out today. For some reason, country music is still selling. Maybe because its marquee performers aren’t total asshats.

50 Cent vs. Kanye West: Today’s the Big Day, We Guess