apropos of nothing

Larry David Just a Miserable Liar

Photo: Getty Images

In today’s Quote Machine (oh, and also the New York Post), Larry David issued a challenge: “I defy anyone to produce any evidence that the word ‘happy’ has ever crossed my lips. I am not now, nor have I ever been, ‘happy.’”

“Surely that will be easy!” we told ourselves. He must’ve been happy at some point — he is rich, after all. Through the magic of Google, we were able to confirm that, not only has he uttered the H-word on several occasions, David actually seems to be quite happy.

From a 2004 60 Minutes II interview:

“Yeah, I’m happy, OK. What do you, what do you want,” says David, smiling. “OK, I’m happy. I’m happy. All right? I’m happy. Whaddya want? Leave me alone. I’m happy. Stop asking. You want me to be happy? I’m happy.”

Whoa! That’s seven times right there! That would basically make him about the happiest guy we know. Still, we weren’t satisfied (also, we’re a little leery of any reporting done by 60 Minutes II in 2004). So we turned to the first Google result for “Larry David Happy,” the Website of David’s former neighbor (and inspiration for Cosmo), Kenny Kramer, who posted this interview David did from “around 1994” with something called Laugh Factory Magazine.

Laugh Factory: That’s a pretty bleak assessment, even coming from you. I mean you’re a newlywed, your first baby is on the way and you just moved into
a beautiful new house. Surely you must see a ray of light somewhere.
Larry David: Take it easy. When did you lose your sense of humor? I’m actually pretty happy.

And sure, he goes on to explain that “this happiness only magnifies the utter waste my life has been up until now.” But no matter! Larry David’s a happy, happy guy. We bet if we got a big fat check in the mail every time a Seinfeld rerun aired, we’d be pretty happy too! —Joe DeLessio

Earlier: Larry David Reaffirms Status As Miserable Person

Larry David Just a Miserable Liar