Dame Helen Mirren Now Also a Madam

Mirren, Pesci Open Love Ranch: Helen Mirren and Joe Pesci will star in Love Ranch, based on the story of the real-life couple that opened the first legal brothel in Nevada before their marriage was tested by infidelity. Oh, Dame Helen, we know we’ve been pestering you to take it off, but we didn’t mean in torrid love scenes with Joe Pesci. [Variety]

Tomei Cries Oh the Humanity: Marisa Tomei stars in the Flea Theater’s forthcoming production of Oh the Humanity and Other Good Intentions, a collection of five short plays by Will Eno, author of the Off Broadway hit Thom Pain (based on nothing). Jim Simpson will direct. Press notes describe the play as “about people like you, facing lives like yours.” Sounds lewd, sexy, and violent! [Playbill]

Dillon Plays Chess: Matt Dillon is in final negotiations to play Leonard Chess, the founder of Chicago’s Chess Records, the legendary label that launched the careers of Etta James, Muddy Waters, and Chuck Berry. Not currently in production: biopics of Etta James, Muddy Waters, or Chuck Berry. [HR]

Idle Asks What About Dick?: Eddie Izzard, Tim Curry, Tracy Ullman, Emily Mortimer, Billy Connolly, and Jane Leeves will appear in a special two-night presentation of Eric Idle’s new play, What About Dick?, this November at the Ricardo Montalban Theater in L.A. The title may in some way refer to a penis. [Playbill]

No Bryan Adams Solution: We had been hoping to announce in this space that Bryan Adams had brought peace to the Middle East this morning, but unfortunately simultaneous peace concerts in Tel Aviv and the West Bank town of Jericho, featuring Adams as a headliner, have been canceled. [Billboard]

Lionsgate Owns Einstein: Lionsgate has acquired worldwide life rights to Albert Einstein as well as to Walter Isaacson’s recent biography Einstein: His Life and Universe, with the intention of developing a feature about the formative years of the celebrated genius. No casting has been announced, though Yahoo Serious has indicated his availability. [Variety]