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10 Characters Whose Outings Wouldn’t Shock Us

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A lot of Harry Potter fans were shocked this weekend when they heard J.K. Rowling’s announcement that Albus Dumbledore, headmaster of Hogwarts, is gay. But many other fans weren’t, having read the tea leaves already. After all, Dumbledore is an elderly bachelor who never mentions any past loves, it was revealed in book seven that the tragedy of his life was the end of his “close friendship” with Gellert Grindlewald, and he knows how to fill out a pair of purple velvet robes.

So who’s next? Who will be the next beloved, long-standing characters to be outed by their creators? And how will smart-asses like us be able to say, “Yeah, we totally saw that coming”?

Update: Wow, this post was a great idea — such a great idea that Radar had it yesterday! We stand by our list, but we have to admit that Vanity Smurf was a highly inspired pick. Still, we never understood what everyone thought was so gay about Samwise Gamgee.

1. Fozzie Bear from The Muppet Show
How we knew it all along: A passion for showbiz! A flair for headwear! A long, sadly platonic relationship with a handsome straight frog who only has eyes for the pig! Plus, he’s a total bear.

2. Schroeder from “Peanuts”

How we knew it all along: C’mon, the guy has a cute groupie like Lucy hanging on his piano for 50 years, and he never gives her the time of day! Instead, there’s just one man in his life: Ludwig Von Beethoven.

3. The Flash
How we knew it all along: DC Comics doesn’t play coy about this one; the Flash is both light in his loafers and flaming. No, really — he runs at superhuman speed and flames literally shoot out of him.

4. Spock from Star Trek

How we knew it all along: It’s clear in retrospect that Spock’s place on the Enterprise — as a Vulcan, he’s a member of the crew, but still a man apart, and given to arch commentary on the foibles of his crewmates — is a coded reflection of his true and hidden self.

5. Vickie the Robot from Small Wonder
How we knew it all along: You know that old stereotype about lesbians having no sense of humor? Let’s just say you never see that robot laughing. And Vickie’s creator — family man Ted Lawson — seems just pervy enough to program his mechanical daughter that way.

6. Lilith from Cheers and Frasier

How we knew it all along: Cripes, Lilith is a walking, talking butch cliché: buttoned-up, mannish, severe. Also, her name is Lilith. But Lilith plays it straight much of her life, including having a child, Frederick, with Dr. Frasier Crane. We wouldn’t be surprised at all, though, to find out that her abandonment by seismologist Brian — who leaves her for their male interior decorator — finally makes Lilith throw up her hands and give up on men forever.

7. Beatrice from Much Ado About Nothing
How we knew it all along: Sure, at the end of Shakespeare’s comedy Beatrice confesses her love for her verbal sparring partner Benedick. But a long-lost Seventh Folio copy (1648) reveals that in a never-before-seen epilogue, the sharp-tongued Beatrice has tired of the marriage of convenience and is shacking up with Ursula, Hero’s waiting-gentlewoman.

8. Blanche from The Golden Girls

How we knew it all along: The joke was always that Dorothy (played by Bea Arthur) was gay, but when her lesbian friend Jean came to visit and fell in love with Rose, it was Blanche who got jealous (“To think Jean would prefer Rose over me, that’s ridiculous!”). Plus, all that talk about sleeping around was probably just a cover. No one is that promiscuous!

9. Mr. Big from Sex and the City
How we knew it all along: Actually, it will be a total surprise when we learn that in the Sex and the City movie, Mr. Big — married, unhappily, to Carrie — announces on his deathbed that his lifelong machismo was all a front. The good news, though, is that Carrie is single again!

10. Lando Calrissian from The Empire Strikes Back
How we knew it all along: This photo.

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Earlier: J.K. Rowling Outs Dumbledore

10 Characters Whose Outings Wouldn’t Shock Us