‘Heroes’: All Your Questions Answered

Last night’s episode of Heroes promised to Answer All Our Questions, which was NBC’s promotional way of saying We Know You’ve Been Bored and Had No Idea What’s Going On This Season … But The Writers Strike Is Here and We’re Running Out of Time. We don’t know what questions series creator Tim Kring was thinking of, but it sure did an excellent job of answering our questions.

So, step in the four-months-back machine! Mysteries are (sort of) solved and our (weak and waning) curiosities are (dopily) sated. We’ve got questions, they’ve got answers:

If you are the Company, what’s the best way to make sure your two most dangerous captives don’t band together to escape?
Why, put their cells right next to each other, of course! Oh, and make sure there’s a vent for easy communication. What could possibly go wrong?

What was Peter and Adam’s most heroic act after their “escape”?
Healing brother Nathan, of course, thereby allowing his face to grow skin and develop that badass beard.

How did D.L. die?
Stupidly beating up a guy who had just given Niki the infamous invisible cocaine. When you mess with a man’s invisible cocaine, you’re just asking for a bullet to the chest, especially when you’ve forgotten that you have superpowers that you just used against the guy five minutes earlier.

So what exactly was Adam doing all that time in Japan?
Uh … we’re not quite sure about this one. Drinking, obviously, but mostly just killing time, waiting for the appropriate ambition for world domination to develop.

Are they really going to try to wrap all this up in three episodes?
Oh, why not? This show so desperately needs another push of the reset button that, frankly, the writers strike is doing us all a favor. Plus, it’s more time for us to do invisible cocaine. —Will Leitch