‘Kid Nation’: Bonanza’s Paris and Nicole Make Their Presences Known

Guess which one we’d like to breast-feed?Photo: Courtesy of CBS

On this week’s practically Taylor-free episode, pretty much everything that happened fell into one of three categories: Who the Hell Are You?, Gross!, and Awesome!

Who the Hell Are You?
Last week we suggested a drinking game that calls for a shot every time you see a kid who has yet to speak on the show. (Two drinks if that kid actually speaks.) Hope you had plenty of alcohol handy last night, because this week we met:

Maggie, 14, from Minnesota: She “stepped up” and complained that Bonanza City was boring.

Kennedy, 12, Kentucky: She went on to (spoiler alert) win the talent show thanks to her gutsy willingness to let herself be laughed at.

Natasha, 13, Florida: We met her because, like Taylor, she is lazy — a self-described “high-maintenance Miami girl.”

Migle, 13, Illinois: She’s Natasha’s partner in laziness. Only with a stupid name.

Adorable one-toothed Transitions Lenses spokeskid Alex (the one that, at home, we like to say we want to breast-feed) had this to say about Natasha and Migle: “People say [they’re] like Paris and Nicole, but I don’t know what that
means.” (Paris and Nicole? Gross!)

This week’s challenge involved contact with the substance known to all children as ABC (Already Been Chewed) gum. The less said about this low moment, the better, but gagging was involved on both sides of the TV screen.

Greg’s alarming chin scab disappeared and reappeared throughout this episode.

At the talent show, Olivia (who we all hate, right? Right!) did an amazing impression of a shitty, journeyman stand-up comedian, and the other kids liked it so much she almost won.

Everything Jared said or did, especially the things that betrayed his extensive (though not necessarily definitive) grasp of history, as in: “Do you want to know the cause of the Dark Ages? They ditched art and entertainment.” Also, his talent-show act was a soliloquy from Henry IV!

Markelle as the talent-show hostess with the mostest. This fabulous little boy has a future in showbiz. Seriously!

Laurel busting out a perfect rendition of “Amazing Grace” at the Town Hall meeting. There is nothing Laurel cannot do. One day, she will rule us all.

And the Most Awesome Thing: Kennedy’s silly rap and dance, an unabashed celebration of her own “weirdness.” Take that, Natasha and Migle: Weird girls win!

Next week
: The districts get mixed up, and Jared threatens Greg with some sort of pimp-stick. —Lindsay Robertson

‘Kid Nation’: Bonanza’s Paris and Nicole Make Their Presences Known