Niki Sanders, Loving Mother and Sociopath, Dies at 33

Niki SandersCourtesy of NBC

Niki Sanders, a former casino worker and online-pornography performer, died in an explosion in an abandoned building in New Orleans last night. She was 33. She leaves behind a son, Micah.

Mrs. Sanders suffered from both Shanti Virus, a disease afflicting individuals with superpowers, and multiple personality disorder. The former took away her super-strength toward the end of her life; the latter was a problem she struggled with for several years. At times she took on the personality of her psychotic sister, Jessica, and was while under control of that personality responsible for scores of deaths. Recently, a new, even more ludicrous personality revealed itself: Gina, a wanton free spirit and party girl, who took over Niki’s body for a lost weekend of cocaine and swarthy men in Los Angeles. Mrs. Sanders was only rescued when her husband, D.L., traveled to Los Angeles to find her; tragically, D.L., a Las Vegas firefighter, was shot and killed in the process.

Remembered by friends for her devotion to her son, her tendency to spend long hours talking to herself in the mirror, and her smokin’ hot bod, Niki Sanders died while rescuing her niece, Monica, from thugs involved in a murderous insurance scam. Her surviving family has requested that in lieu of flowers, contributions be made toward a Circuit City gift card for her son.

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Niki Sanders, Loving Mother and Sociopath, Dies at 33