‘The L Word’: Hey Kit, Where You Going With That Gun in Your Hand?

See — Shane’s watching her back.Photo courtesy of Showtime

In a triumvirate of awful ideas, Lez Girls begins filming on the streets of L.A. with Jennifer Schecter in the director’s chair (and her star’s pants); Shane antagonizes Dawn, the demonic co-owner of Planet rival SheBar; and Cybill Shepherd’s mid-gay-crisis story line has reappeared with university administrator Phyllis Kroll’s return. Jenny’s assistant, Adele, starts going Single White Female on her, and nobody is as disturbed as Max, who caught Adele’s creepy vibe early — if this is the show’s attempt to illustrate how transgender folks are silenced by society, it’s working: Nobody listens to a damn thing this dude says.

Tina and Bette get it on not once, but twice. First, Tina drops by Bette’s house a few hours before she’s due to pick up daughter Angelica and the two have “shit, I left the chicken stir-fry on the stove — oh, fuck it” sex. Later, the two meet at a party, return to Tina’s house, and remind us all why straight men enjoy this show as Feist plays in the background.

When Lez Girls star Nikki Stevens fails to perform on set (and acts as bratty as the girl she’s portraying, Ms. Schecter), Jenny goes to Nikki’s trailer to investigate and thanks to a live mike, they wind up broadcasting their hookup to everyone with a pair of earphones. Yes, Jenny is such a narcissistic character that she is literally fucking herself. Heavy-handed, folks.

Phyllis’s daughter shows up at the inopportune moment when the elder Kroll is about to get topless on a diving board at a party (The Last Picture Show, anyone?). The concerned mother implores Jodi and Bette to demonstrate how stable a professional lesbian couple can be. Meanwhile, Jodi offers to resign in the wake of one of her students’ controversial performance pieces, completely unaware that preserving her relationship with Bette may soon be pointless.

After the Planet gets condemned for a rat infestation that’s almost certainly the handiwork of the SheBar biatches, there’s a seeming non sequitur of a scene where Kit fires off a handgun at a shooting range. Expect this weapon to actually do some damage in Act IV (i.e., two episodes from now). Heavy-handed, folks.

Tasha leaves a distraught Alice so she can focus on her “don’t ask, don’t tell” defense far away from someone who’s primary job is podcasting a show called “Alice in Lesboland.”

There’s a host of references to the film industry as the show seems to be relishing its opportunity to get all Inside Baseball on the set of Lez Girls. Jenny bitches and moans about the prospect of having Vancouver masquerade as Los Angeles as the location of her film (when, ha-ha, The L Word films in Vancouver); we all get to see how wacky film financiers can be when William arrives on set and applauds Jenny for fucking the star to keep her happy. Tune in next week when said star goes Turkish oil wrestling! Could this show be any more realistic? —Chelsea Brady

‘The L Word’: Hey Kit, Where You Going With That Gun in Your Hand?