‘The L Word’: Turkish Oil Wrestling!

“So the Fonz is actually going to waterski over that thing?”Photo courtesy of Showtime

When a flyer heralds the arrival of lesbian Turkish oil wrestling at SheBar within the first moments of last night’s show, can there be any doubt which slippery slope we’re about to cascade down? (Especially when Showtime advertised this season with said greasy grappling.) Thirty-five minutes and fifty-six seconds into the episode we hit the main event, a filthy quarter-hour of WTF? that rivals the rave scene from The Matrix: Reloaded. Lez Girls star Nikki Stevens brawls with Cindi (of Dawn Denbo and her lover Cindi fame) before taking on Jenny Schecter, then Shane and Phyllis Kroll’s daughter, Molly, get pulled into the ring. Don’t expend any brainpower pondering how this is related to the plot — it’s not. Is it hot? Are we horrified? As Homer Simpson would say, a little bit of column A, a little bit of column B.

The Lez Girls set is abuzz with gossip that Jenny and Nikki play casting couch every lunch break in Nikki’s trailer. Rumor confirmed! Though Nikki demolishes their fairly hot afternoon delight by getting sappy about loving Jenny and wanting kids someday.

Bette visits the film set, where she watches Tina cozy up to her DP Sam, and then nearly hooks up with Tina yet again. She returns home and grabs Jodi for a quick-and-dirty make-up hookup.

Alice auditions to replace a Rosie O’Donnell–esque character on a View-esque show named The Look (really, L Word?) and responds to producers’ demands to reveal juicy gay Hollywood gossip by outing Nikki Stevens and her affair with Jenny. Whatever Perez Hilton pods have invaded Alice Pieszecki need to leave immediately.

A tough new colonel is brought in to prosecute Tasha’s case; she questions Alice and blasts her for living so brazenly out of the closet. What are the odds Colonel Gillian Davis is not asking, not telling, too?

Adele continues her reign of creepiness by luring Nikki to the aforementioned Turkish-oil-wrestling night, lying to Tina, Nikki, and Jenny in one fell swoop. This storyline is developing at excruciatingly slow Days of Our Lives pace. When will she deliver Jenny’s head in a box?

Phyllis’s daughter, Molly, continues to insist she’s straight although she also enjoys hanging out on the set of Lez Girls, watching lesbians Turkish-oil-wrestle, and flirting with Shane. Like many things on The L Word, she’s implausible. Molly, however, is bestowed with the episode’s best line — to Shane: “My mother told me all about your little game — you’re like the Fonz or something for lesbians.” Heeeeeeey! Score one for the writers. —Chelsea Brady

‘The L Word’: Turkish Oil Wrestling!