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Beverly Hills, 90210 fans praying Brenda will finally get her revenge against Dylan and Kelly are disappointed today. The cast of characters for Rob Thomas’s updated version of the show — which we remain optimistic will be titled 902102 — does not seem to include a 37-year-old Shannen Doherty. But don’t fret! The new cast bears more similarity to the original than you might think. We went through the list of characters that appeared on Variety’s Website today, figuring out which of our old Peach Pit favorites have analogues in the upcoming remake.
Annie: Described as an emo kid trying to break into the cool crowd, she’s clearly the new Brenda Walsh.
Dixon: Though adopted, like Steve Sanders, Dixon is much more like Dylan McKay — with little regard for the rules and an affinity for danger. Here we feel compelled to point out that Annie and Dixon are actually brother and sister, which obviously implies the show will be dealing with the hot-button issue of incest this time around. After all, producers are apparently considering a minority actor for this role, so anything’s possible.
Tabitha Mills: A washed up actress/alcoholic in her sixties, Tabitha is the new Samantha Sanders (Steve’s mom) — only now she’s two generations back, playing Annie and Dixon’s grandma.
Harrison Mills: Son to Tabitha and Annie and Dixon’s dad, this eighties grad of Beverly Hills High returns to the 90210 with wife and kids in tow to take care of his poor mum. Clearly, ol’ Harry has mommy issues — much like Steve Sanders, whose birth mother died and whose surrogate mother, Samantha, was driven to drink by the knowledge that her husband was in fact Steve’s real father.
Celia Mills: Harry’s wife and Annie and Dixon’s mom, she’s an Olympic athlete who settles for a job as a personal trainer after the move. Celia’s not quite Donna Martin, but we suspect she’ll often appear in spandex, which makes her close enough.
Daphne Silver: Despite sharing the same last name as David and hosting her own YouTube series, which is kind of like D.J.-ing your high school’s radio station, Silver is Beverly Hills’ new token Jewish girl — a.k.a. Andrea Zuckerman.
Max Silver: Daphne’s 24-year-old brother and manager of the family movie theater, Max will be taking over as Nat Bussichio, Peach Pit patriarch.
Navid Shirazi: Producer of Beverly Hills High student-run video newscast, this is the new David Silver. Only this time, instead of being a year younger than everyone else, he’s Middle Eastern.
Naomi Bennett: The rich, hot (but not necessarily blonde!) popular girl, Naomi is the new Kelly Taylor. And like her inspiration, she’s spoiled rotten. But this time, she’s complicated, too.
Ethan Ward: Naomi’s ex, he’s the jock with depth, not unlike hockey player Brandon Walsh. At some point, Ethan will forsake the popular kids to chill with the 90210 crowd. Which makes us wonder: Are the new kids of Beverly Hills not popular?! Because that would be really daring. —Kari Milchman
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