‘The L Word’: Guess Who Makes a Sex Tape

It’s funny, Shane’s advice for one’s first bike-a-thon is also “breath through your mouth.”Photo: Courtesy of Showtime

The whole crew takes a trip north for a 200-mile bike-a-thon to fight breast cancer. Alice and Co. don matching blue uniforms to honor Dana Fairbanks, the wry tennis player the show killed off with the disease in the third season, and the specter of the past lurks over the entire episode: Tasha runs into some old friends, Nikki quizzes Shane on how she and Jenny first met, and when the ladies hunker down for the night in tents, a game of “I Never” quickly becomes super awkward when the topic turns to infidelity. After a lively debate over whether kissing constitutes cheating, it becomes clear to Jodi that Bette has been lying to her. Dramatic? Sure, but that pales in comparison to the racy 1 Night in Schechter movie Jenny and Nikki shoot in their fancy-pants tent.

While the others rough it, Adele has Jenny and Nikki set up in a Taj Mahal tent, where Jenny gifts her Lez Girls star with a giant purple dildo and a harness and they turn Nikki’s hand-held camera on themselves. But wait! Didn’t Tina flip out when she saw Jenny and Nikki kissing in public because she promised Nikki’s managers she wouldn’t be outed? Could trouble be brewing now that there’s an ill-advised sex tape in the picture? Maybe that’s what all those ominous shots of the video camera were about …

Sorta-straight Molly Kroll stalks Shane to the bike ride because she feels bad about calling her uneducated and wants more lessons in lesbianology. Shane is pissed, but not too angry to play naughty teacher. Her advice for Molly’s first muff dive? “Breathe through your mouth.” (That’s all she’s got? And she’s supposed to be the lesbian Fonz?)

Tina says she doesn’t want Jodi to find out she and Bette have been cheating, but dour Bette isn’t very good at hiding her feelings. She snaps at Jodi when they’re building their tent and stares blankly when Jodi asks if she’s been faithful. In one of the show’s only truly emotional moments of the season, Tina breaks down to Alice and Shane and admits she’s loved Bette all along and has to have her back, officially making that couple the Ross and Rachel of The L Word. Bette comes looking for Jodi in the morning only to find she’s already gone — with her interpreter, who had to abandon new love interest Max to stick with his boss. Yup, Max loses again.

The appearance of Tasha’s old friends reminds her that she used to have black buddies. Though she spends some time musing on her past, she tells Alice she thinks they should move in together (which is convenient, since Tasha no longer has a job).

Alice gets Adele to admit she’s queer, which isn’t surprising since the assistant from hell creepily smoked a cigarette and watched the silhouette of Jenny and Nikki fucking through their tent wall. Oh, and she grabbed that sex tape from the camcorder and replaced it with a blank. We didn’t see that one coming! Oh, wait, we did. From a million miles away. Step it up, L Word. Even Rock of Love 2 is less predictable than this. —Chelsea Brady

‘The L Word’: Guess Who Makes a Sex Tape