Uwe Boll vs. Steven Spielberg

Photos: Getty Images

Legendary German director Uwe Boll is picking fights again. Two years after he entered the boxing ring to take on his critics, Boll (legend in his own mind) is claiming he will crush Steven Spielberg (authentic film legend) when his latest video-game adaptation, Postal, opens on the same weekend as Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull. Boll asserts the mighty box-office power of his newest horror-comedy in an e-mail to the movie Website Bloody Disgusting (all [sic]s implied, natch):

On the Indiana Jones weekend - May 23 - we will go out and destroy Indiana Jones in the Box Office! We all know that Harrison Ford is older as my grandpa and his time is up - would Michael Moore say!

(Michael Moore has not been reached for comment.)

As evidence to back up his claim that he can take down Spielberg in this mano a mano cinematic combat, Boll trumpets the magnum force of his superior directing and acting skills:

Spielberg gets sloppy. We saw that with War of the Worlds (why the fuck the older brother survived?) and also in parts of Jaws, E.T., Munich etc.! My performance in Postal as ‘Nazi Theme Park Owner’ outperforms easily Ben Kingsley in Schindler’s List!

And what are the chances that Boll will be victorious on Memorial Day weekend? Absolutely none. Postal, which opens with a parody of United 93, is the story of a man named Dude (who shares a trailer with a wife named Bitch in the city of Paradise) who goes on a violent rampage with a cult leader and then does battle with the Taliban during an amusement-park heist. Though everything about Postal seems awesome, we’re guessing the American public will once again fail to embrace the genius of Boll, and this might make even less money than In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale.

As for Boll’s simmering feud with Steven Spielberg? Alas, we’re willing to bet that Spielberg will chicken out and refuse to even respond to Boll’s taunts, as he subscribes to such outmoded virtues as “dignity” and “self-respect.” Sigh. —Tammy Oler

Uwe Boll Sets ‘Postal’ to Release Against Indiana Jones [Bloody Disgusting]

Uwe Boll vs. Steven Spielberg