How to Convince Your Girlfriend (or Boyfriend) That ‘Battlestar’ Is Not ‘Star Trek’

Courtesy of Sci Fi, Paramount Pictures

You’re probably already sweating thinking about it. Maybe since last March you’ve met a new girl, you really like her, you’re hanging out a lot, but she shows no signs of being interested in, say, the eventual fate of the final 41,399 human beings left in the universe. Or maybe there’s a new man in your life, and he’s smart and funny and cool, but for some reason you had to tell him you were going back to Washington to visit your family last year when actually you were just watching Razor.

It’s easy to be proud of your Battlestar love when hanging out with like-minded fans of quality television, but trying to explain it to someone new can be daunting — because you know what she’s thinking about. You just know that as soon as you say the show’s title, her brain will be filled with images of Klingons, mind melds, flux capacitors, and whatnot. She’ll think you’re a nerd. Here’s how to patiently explain to her — or him — that Battlestar is not freaking Star Trek.

1. There’s no technobabble.
You won’t be needing to buy that Idiot’s Guide to Useless Terminology that you needed when your doofus roommate made you watch Voyager in college. The only technology on the show is the spaceship that the crew flies around in, and the little spaceships that land on the bigger spaceship. Oh, and there’s an insidious robotic enemy that threatens to destroy humanity — except most of these robots look just like humans. … Which brings us to our next point:

2. The robots on Battlestar are scorching hot.
Like, so sexy that your reluctant boyfriend will have no choice but to watch the show with you (and fantasize about it after). Even some of the non-Cylons are smoking case studies in the fine genetic pool that humanity (well, what’s left of it) has to offer.

3. Explosions!
Battlestar, at times, is kind of like Die Hard in space, and without Bruce Willis. There are gun fights, knife fights, space fights, nuke fights, and an entire episode devoted exclusively to boxing! Everyone loves explosions, and if your significant other doesn’t, maybe the problem isn’t with you.

4. Battlestar is cheese-free.
There is no prime-directively driven idealistic view of humanity where every day is a great jolly exploration into the boldly-gone-there-before. There are no green squishy aliens that have kidnapped Data and taught him an episode-long life lesson. Battlestar is gritty, it’s dark, it’s terrifying. People die. The characters in Battlestar are all flawed; they’re trying to come to terms with what it means to be human. It’s kind of like life — except no one is worrying about global warming, because the world got nuked in the first episode. —Everett Bogue

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How to Convince Your Girlfriend (or Boyfriend) That ‘Battlestar’ Is Not ‘Star Trek’