apropos of nothing

Jonas Brothers 3-D Movie to Reinvent the Concept of 3-D

Photo: Getty Images; Photo illustration the fault of: Dan Kois

Heads up, mere mortals! The Jonas Brothers, that earth-shattering trio of hard-rocking teens, have launched a new offensive in their coming war upon humanity. Disney announced yesterday that the brothers will shoot a 3-D concert film this summer. The film will resemble this winter’s successful Hannah Montana/Miley Cyrus Best of Both Worlds Concert Tour, but will utilize 3-D technology so innovatively that it will actually be presented in mind-blowing 7-D.

That’s right! While lesser competitors are satisfied with presenting films in three measly dimensions, the Jonas Brothers’ relentless commitment to pure, white-hot quality will not allow them to release such piffle into the marketplace. Teams of Jonas-funded super-scientists are currently hard at work in Jonas HQ in Wyckoff, New Jersey, demolishing the time-space continuum in search of four additional dimensions to insert into the film, which will include footage from their upcoming “Burning Up” concert tour, in addition to behind-the-scenes documentary material of the Brothers’ plotting world domination. While the work is grueling — just last week four Nobel Prize–winning physicists were sucked into a wormhole, their screams echoing even louder than the cracking whips of Team Jonas’ masked masters of motivation — no one minds, for to please the Brothers today is to assure one’s safety in the Jonas-led America of tomorrow.

Jonas Brothers in 3-D Disney feature [HR]

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Jonas Brothers 3-D Movie to Reinvent the Concept of 3-D