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Kanye West’s “Glow in the Dark” tour finally hits Madison Square Garden tonight, and We. Are. Pumped. As everyone knows, MSG is the movie-trilogy third installment of live-music venues, the one you save all your most ridiculous ideas for. But Kanye’s already insane (his stage show features a talking spaceship), which means the theoretical ceiling of outlandishness for tonight’s show does not exist. And while lighting gimmickry and spittle-filled rants are great and all, what we’re particularly excited for is the prospect of bonkers guest appearances, culled from Kanye’s lengthy rotating cast of friends and collaborators. Who might show up tonight? Vulture plays oddsmaker after the jump!
What he’d do: Probably his verse from “Diamonds From Sierra Leone (Remix).”
Odds that he’ll actually show up: You can almost count on it — they’re buds. But will he really want to watch Kanye top his own underwhelming MSG shows from last week? 1:2
What he’d do: Sing the hook from “Homecoming.” Also, we would sleep soundly tonight if Martin, all scrunched-faced and serious, throws up the Roc-A-Fella diamond.
Odds that he’ll actually show up: Pretty good. There’s a new Coldplay album out in a month; if it doesn’t sell, the music business will die, so it’s unlikely Martin would pass up a chance to promote it. 2:1
What he’d do: His awesome verse from Late Registration’s “Gone,” presumably.
Odds that he’ll actually show up: Not good. Sadly, Cam is no longer famous enough to be allowed in Kanye’s spaceship. 10:1
What he’d do: Croon, off-key, to “Drunk and Hot Girls.”
Odds that he’ll actually show up: Kanye would have to trick him into thinking he was auditioning for a Spike Jonze movie to lure him back near a stage. 20:1
What he’d do: Take notes. Mark our word, King James will have an ill-fated deal with Roc by the time he signs with the Knicks.
Odds that he’ll actually show up: Well, the Cavs are off tonight. Still, Jay-Z’s BFF popping up at a rap concert in the midst of a playoff series would be fodder for months of livid, confused columns from the nation’s bitter, old sports reporters. 30:1
What they’d do: The usual — push buttons. Not talk.
Odds that they’ll show up: The actual reclusive Frenchmen? 500:1 Roc-A-Fella’s forgotten hope Young Gunz mugging in rented robot suits? 5:1
What he’d do: Well, at least he wouldn’t be wasting his time in West Virginia.
Odds that he’ll actually show up: 1,000:1
Mahmoud Abbas, Ehud Olmert, and a representative from Hamas
What they’d do: Sit down for some sort of impromptu Israeli-Arab peace brokering between “Never Let Me Down” and “Roses.”
Odds that they’ll actually show up: Highly unlikely, even for an MC as hot as Kanye. But this would definitely force curmudgeonly EW reporter Chrill Willman to reconsider that measly B+. 10,000,000:1 —Amos Barshad and Ben Mathis-Lilley