R. Kelly Ambivalent About Babies

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1. R. Kelly, “Wanna Make a Baby”

Even when you consider all of the other inane things R. Kelly has said in previous songs, it’s hard not to be shocked by a lyric like, “I’m just trying to knock you up so you can have your Mini-Me.” That’s why he’s a genius, we guess. [YouTube]

2. R. Kelly, “Might Be Mine”
By track seven, Kelly’s enthusiasm for the baby-making process has cooled somewhat when he receives a phone call from a lawyer threatening a paternity suit. If our legislators really cared about the teenage-pregnancy epidemic, they’d find a way to get this song included on all future pressings of the Juno soundtrack. [YouTube]

3. R. Kelly, “Relief”
We’re not musicologists, but we’re pretty sure this is the first-ever song in which angels are credited for an R&B singer’s acquittal on sex charges. [YouTube]

4. R. Kelly, “Son of a Bitch”
Accompanied by just a piano, Kelly rattles off a list of the things that make sex good for him. One of them, weirdly, is when you yell the name of this song. [YouTube]

5. R. Kelly, “Two Seater”
Kellz does a surprisingly impressive Rick Ross impression on this rapped track, which — even more surprisingly! — is actually about a car. [YouTube]

Earlier: Leaked: R. Kelly’s New Album Even Dirtier Than We Expected

R. Kelly Ambivalent About Babies