the early-evening news

Sarah Silverman and Jimmy Kimmel Split Up, Inspire Profane Headlines

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Silverman Now Fucking Matt Damon Exclusively: After five years, Jimmy Kimmel and Sarah Silverman have ended their relationship, which is terrible news for them, but wonderful news for all bloggers allowed to use the F-word in their headlines. [VF]

As If Eddie Murphy Didn’t Already Feel Bad Enough Today: The nice folks at Best Week Ever have compiled an impressive list of 50 movies that outgrossed Meet Dave in their opening weekends, including Soul Plane, Freddy Got Fingered, and Jonathan Taylor Thomas’s Man of the House. [Best Week Ever]

Leaving Your Couch No Longer Necessary: Finally that XBox 360 taking up space under your television will be good for more than just hours upon hours of endless Guitar Hero–related entertainment! Microsoft today announced a deal to bring Netflix’s movie-streaming feature to their video-game console, thus eliminating your need for envelopes or a mailbox. [Engadget]

Whoopi to Save Broadway: Whoopi Goldberg announced today that she’ll play Caliope in Xanadu on Broadway this summer. Producers hope the show will benefit from the exposure of her daily gig as a television host and have further announced their intentions to cast David Letterman and Wolf Blitzer in critical roles. [Variety]

Record Company Turns Profit: EMI has reportedly turned a profit in the first quarter of this year, and it came at the miniscule cost of eliminating 2,000 employees. [Variety]

Sarah Silverman and Jimmy Kimmel Split Up, Inspire Profane Headlines