With today’s release of the Jonas Brothers’ A Little Bit Longer, and last night’s completion of the band’s sold-out three-night run at Madison Square Garden, can there be any doubt that the much-feared Jonaspocalypse is finally upon us? No. So, as part of our ongoing heroic effort to prepare our readers for life in a post-Jonas world, we procured a copy of Longer (we won’t say where from, lest the Jonases dispatch their anti-piracy ninjas to Vulture HQ), and, friends, we have some truly awful news for you this afternoon.
It’s actually sort of awesome. We didn’t want to admit it, but really it is. Just listen to “Shelf,” the track above. Not bad, right? In fact, we’re quite ready to preemptively declare it 2008’s best power-pop song about a home-storage implement. If Rivers Cuomo had written a single this great (assuming he could still do such a thing), would it not have improved the overall quality of any of the three most recent Weezer albums by at least 900 percent? When was the last time Fountains of Wayne wrote anything this catchy? Surely the Jonas Brothers had co-writers, and, admittedly, not all tracks on Longer are this well constructed … but doesn’t this sound way better than anything you’d assumed they were capable of? And can anything prevent their now-imminent world domination? We doubt it!
Earlier: Know Your Jonas Brothers Overlords