apropos of nothing

Sorry, Internet: Simple Three-Way Kissing Does Not a Threesome Make

Courtesy of MGM

This morning, we mentioned the fact that Vicky Cristina Barcelona’s much-talked-about threesome is all implied and happens strictly off-camera. A disappointed Gawker responded in a post titled “Vicky Cristina Barcelona’s Big Three-Way Lie,” prompting Defamer’s Kyle Buchanan to rebut our claim:

“As the two-thirds of Defamer who’ve seen the movie can confirm, there is an on-screen threesome in Vicky Cristina Barcelona — albeit a tame, brief one … Now, keep this in mind: Woody Allen has never been big on the sex scenes. Even the recent, sensual Match Point was all about the foreplay and afterglow, baring nary a R-rated body part. So, too, is Vicky Cristina Barcelona, which features two separate foreplay scenes, each set in the same darkroom: one where Johansson and Cruz lock lips, and one where the kissing actresses coax Javier Bardem to join in. The latter scene doesn’t escalate far beyond “You kiss me. Now, you kiss her. OK, now I kiss her!” but it’s still fairly steamy for the Wood-man, all things considered.

Now, we’re not sure where Buchanan grew up, but we were always raised strictly to believe that a threesome, by definition, had to include pantsless thrusting in two separate vectors. Simple three-way kissing doesn’t count. Hence, Vicky Cristina Barcelona contains no threesome.

Good News, Internet: ‘Vicky Cristina’ Threesome Is Still Intact [Defamer]
Vicky Cristina Barcelona ‘s Big Three-Way Lie [Gawker]

See Also: Threesome [Wikipedia]

Earlier: Can Horny Movie Critics Make Woody Allen’s ‘Vicky Cristina Barcelona’ a Hit?

Sorry, Internet: Simple Three-Way Kissing Does Not a Threesome Make