The ‘Entourage’ Guilt/Pleasure Index: You Can Do It, Vince — Become a Star Again!

“No — I LOVE it when strangers come up from behind and touch my beautiful hair!”

With the title “Unlike a Virgin,” the second episode of the Emmy-approved Entourage’s new season promises — guilt galore? Or pleasure to spare? It remains, as always, the one show we can’t stop watching–slash–can’t stop hating ourselves for watching!

Go go Ari Gold — deliver thee an offensive quip! “You will come back stronger than ever — like Lance Armstrong, but with two balls,” was the best Ari could muster this week, trying to reassure Vince that he would eventually bounce back from the flop that was Medellín. At least that’s Ari in his element. Turtle is the posse’s active ladies’ man. Except he’s, well, Turtle, so the closest he gets to sin is watching a little girl-on-girl and trying to pick up a woman who — score?! — has a boyfriend whom Turtle discovers that she lies to.

Drama diligently tries to keep things going with his Cannes-acquired long-distance girlfriend … but when he misses their daily video chat because he’s at a party, he tells a lie …. and soon exposes … yaaaaaawnnn … his deep insecurities, leaving accusatory messages that elicit this perfectly reasonable response: “I knew you were a little crazy when you said we had to get on the computer every night. I had to call the police on my last boyfriend and don’t want to call the police on you.” Click!

Sweet relief comes with the random introduction of new dirtbags. When Eric tries to sign good ol’ boys and new screenwriters Nick (Giovanni Ribisi) and LB (Lukas Haas) as clients, they meet at the Bullets and Bitches Artillery Club and Topless Bar. Levi Johnston and Track Palin were no doubt impressed when Nick ended the meeting by cocking his shotgun and striding off, telling E that they’d work with him only if he could get their script produced with Vince.

Back from Fantasy Island and unable to land a part, Vince actually reads a few scripts. Then — when he thinks he’s being pawned off on a hanger-on by his hot crush — he pledges that he’s ready to start acting like a star again. Then he goes back and lays claim to his hot crush, the pop star Justine (Leighton Meester); Turtle, well versed in Vince’s motto, “Never be the first, never be the last,” establishes that she’s no longer a virgin — “Why do you think her last few albums haven’t sold?” She warns Vince she’s not looking for anything serious, but the closing scene bodes ill: They blissfully hold hands as distraught, wasted Drama swigs Jack Daniels and mutters, “You guys really kind of like each other, huh? That’s great. That’s great.”

The ‘Entourage’ Guilt/Pleasure Index: You Can Do It, Vince — Become a Star Again!