Jeremy Piven’s ‘Sushi Defense’ Derided by Castmates, Explained by Fisher Stevens

Excerpt from I’ll Replace You (2008)

With Jeremy Piven back on the West Coast recovering from a near-fatal spicy-tuna-roll overdose, the other cast members of Speed-the-Plow took to the stage this weekend for their first Piven-free performance. “I’m sure you’ve read the headlines about the silliness in our show,” Raul Esparza told theatergoers after a performance, before adding: “Today was the first time I really enjoyed playing this show. I hope you weren’t expecting a big TV star.” Oh, snap! But just when you thought Piven was going to become a pariah forced to endure nothing but derisive scorn from his peers, the marginally talented babe magnet Fisher Stevens weighed in to defend Piven during an interview with Page Six.

“I believe him. His numbers are off the charts,” said Stevens, who himself claims to have suffered from mercury poisoning earlier this year after eating an inordinate amount of fish while producing a documentary on dolphins [!]. While we appreciate Stevens’s refusal to pile on, we still aren’t clear on how exactly he managed to get ahold of Piven’s medical charts. Either way, we look forward to the inevitable cover of People magazine where gushy editors detail how Piven is serving as a role model for other habitual sushi consumers also struggling valiantly against the vaguely irritating disease of mercury poisoning to hit the newsstands.

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Jeremy Piven’s ‘Sushi Defense’ Derided by Castmates, Explained by Fisher Stevens