Vulture understands that, much like Edward Cullen’s unquenchable thirst for Bella Swan, our readers have a nearly insatiable desire for knowledge when it comes to where the Twilight franchise is headed. Well, unfortunately, these days it seems as if the franchise is headed for the proverbial crapper. First, the talented Catherine Hardwicke got summarily dismissed from the project, and now, Summit Entertainment has announced a (not at all) tentative November 20, 2009, release date for New Moon (a.k.a. Twilight 2). Translation? It’s cash-grab time! Not only is there no director for the project (though fantasy-franchise destroyer Chris Weitz has been rumored), there’s no script and, adding insult to injury, studio heads are thinking twice about the casting of the sequel’s object of desire, the hunky werewolf Jacob. According to EW, Taylor Lautner (pictured at right) is too “baby-faced” to strike the requisite amount of fear into the hearts of teenage virgins (though his agent is trying to convince the studio to use Benjamin Button CGI wizardry as a means to make Lautner look older). With all of the bad news piling up, is there anything that can save the Twilight franchise at this point?
Yes, that’s right, once again viral-video makers have come to the rescue of our weary nation. While Vulture is forced to deduct some points for the crappy bootlegged quality of the video, we bestow major props to YouTube user Kimseybennettj for capturing the Zeitgeist so effectively with “Jizzed in My Pants: The Twilight Edition.”