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Comic Andrew Dice Clay on His Own Crude Appeal

It’s been almost two decades since Andrew Dice Clay enjoyed sold-out arena status on his “Dice Rules” tour. Now the self-proclaimed “Undisputed Heavyweight Comedy King” is gearing up for a comeback, with a slot on Celebrity Apprentice 2. In time for his live show tonight at the Nokia Theatre, Dice spoke to us about Ricky Gervais (“the real fat guy from Extras”) borrowing his material, his passion for women, and the last joke that got him thrown out of a building.

Why would you do Celebrity Apprentice 2?
It’s an absolute career move. They’ve got about 40 million people watching.

Do you think they will try and tame you and your bad language?
They beep everything, which is boring. They really gotta stop with the beeping. It’s a really asshole thing to do. Plus, I would imagine when I get booked on something they look for that.

Do you think you were ahead of your time?
I created something onstage as a stand-up that they never saw before. There’s an excitement when I perform, it’s like going to see a rock star rather than a comic, and nobody’s ever going to touch that.

Do you think there are other comics who try to do what you’re doing?
The only one who’s come close and who’s done some arenas is Dane Cook, and I give him all the credit in the world because I know how hard it is to get to that level. But there’s no controversy about him. He’s a nice boy who made it through MySpace, making a lot of friends.

Who do you think is funny?
One of my favorites is Don Rickles. He’s older but he still blows everybody away. The guys out there today, they’re all carbon copies of each other, they all steal from each other. One thing I pride myself on is that I am an original and I don’t sit in the back of comedy clubs and take guys’ ideas. I’ve seen every one of my things done over and over again. Even this new guy, the real fat guy, from Extras?

Ricky Gervais?
Yeah, I mean, he’s a funny guy and I love the TV show, but he’s doing the Mother Goose poems that I made so famous. When I was told about it I said, “Anybody that hears those poems is forever thinking Andrew Dice Clay,” so if he wants to do them, let him do them, what do I care? He’s never going to amount to Dice Clay status. He’s a club comic.

Didn’t he do Madison Square Garden, though?

No, nobody’s done the Garden since me, that’s a misconception. Inside the Garden there’s a smaller theater. The small room, what I call the waiting room, that’s where guys like him perform.

You recently split from your fiancée. How do you meet women?
The last one I met while getting thrown out of a TV station in L.A. because I said the wrong thing on KTLA. I was doing some material on phones and I did a bit about a BlackBerry. I said the only thing I want “black” is normally underneath me with a big fat ass, and the only thing I want “buried” is my face in it. And they got all uptight about that. The girl that was going on after me was there to promote a book. And that’s how we met.

She obviously liked what she heard.
She told me she was covering her mouth when I said that.

There’s comedy groupies out there, for sure.
The girls I’m with are not groupies. There’s girls I meet and hook up with. It’s never gotten old to me. Some guys get real bored with it, but anytime a chick strips down for me and says here it is, I’m like “game”! I don’t have hobbies like these guys who play golf.

Girls are your hobby.
Yeah, they smell good, they bang good, that’s what I like to do. It just never gets old when a chick pulls her pants down. It’s always fresh, and always good.

Comic Andrew Dice Clay on His Own Crude Appeal