If you, like most of our leading newsmakers, were on vacation this week, or you’re just now waking up after a particularly good New Year’s party and have no recollection of the last five days, here’s everything you need to know:
• Tom Cruise is embroiled in an unfortunate misunderstanding involving Rice-a-Roni and Nazi memorabilia.
• Slumdog Millionaire won Best Picture.
• Watchmen will probably never be released.
• Jeffrey Wells saw the light.
• Mickey Rourke has been accused of knowing how to operate a telephone.
• Scrubs will never fill the Cavemen-size hole in our hearts.
• Jan isn’t so bad!
• Prince’s Bible-study group sounds like fun.
• Prince’s Bible-study group sounds like fun.
• The world was shocked to learn that another made-up-seeming Holocaust memoir was made up.
• David Fincher completely blew his shot at an Oscar for Best Visual Effects.
• Ben Lyons probably won’t be appreciated in his own time.
• Prince’s Bible-study group sounds like fun.
