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Cast of The Wire Joins Team Phelps

Gotham’s 2008 production of Ariadne Unhinged.

Astonishingly, the former cast of HBO’s drug saga, The Wire, has come out in support of Michael Phelps following Bong-gate: “I am literally shocked that he lost the fucking Kellogg’s endorsement. It’s a fucking cereal. What do you think stoners eat?” said James Ransone, who played hapless dock worker and small-time dealer Ziggy, at a Sports Illustrated party on Wednesday. “That’s my next tattoo. A portrait of Michael Phelps ripping a bong on my back,” Ransone continued. “The ultimate irony is that I hate weed because it’s disgusting and awful. The last time I tried to smoke pot I was 22. I watched Boogie Nights and cried myself to sleep while eating Cool Ranch Doritos.”

J.D. Williams, who played ruthless up-and-coming dealer Bodie, merely questioned Phelps’s technique: “Do you know how long it takes to smoke from a bong? For them to take that picture, he had to be doing the slowest, longest hit ever!” Williams also thought Phelps shouldn’t have copped to the crime so quickly. “I’m not a big advocate of lying, but he probably could have kept us at bay a little longer,” says Williams. “He could have said, ‘Actually, there was no weed in there. I was just showing everybody, like, how if I was doing it, how I’d put my lips on the bong.’ It would have boiled over. But he just gave it up right away! Like, ‘Yeah there was weed in the bong and I was smoking it. I’m young. It will never happen again.’ You’re 23, homeboy! Trust me, if you’re 23 and smoking weed now, you’re gonna smoke some more.”

And André Royo, who played lovable junkie-informant Bubbles, thought Kellogg’s loss was medical marijuana advocates’ gain: “At the end of the day, I think it’s a great advertisement for weed,” said Royo at benefit on Monday for Women’s Expressive Theater. “It didn’t slow him down. He broke records! I can see Michael being the face of whatever that marijuana-legalization proposition is in California: ‘You, too, can get eight medals if you smoke a bong.’”

Cast of The Wire Joins Team Phelps