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‘Stingray’: We Evaluate Will Ferrell’s Nicknaming in You’re Welcome America

And yet, he’s still sweating Andre 3000.

Will Ferrell’s one-man Broadway show as George W. Bush, You’re Welcome America, has New York liberals abuzz, not least because of a segment in which he bestows nicknames upon audience members after asking for nothing more than their names and occupations.

We polled colleagues and friends to see if they attended the show and remembered the names Ferrell handed down; the proud Democrats who wrote back provided us with a sample of twenty. (You’ll find a bonus one in our review of the show.) As you’ll see, they artfully balance Ferrellian absurdity with Bushian moronity — or is it the other way around?

1. Accountant: “What? You’re a count? Then I’m just gonna call you Count.”
2. Community organizer: “Oh, you’re just a waste of time.”
3. Someone who called himself Ron Burgundy: Jackass
4. Woman and her friend; the friend said “I’m Lauren and I’m awesome!”: The Awesome Twins
5. Man named Sergio: Serge — or “Surge
6. Comedian: Chucklehut
7. Computer programmer: Nerd Alert
8. Someone on Wall Street: Shit Out of Luck
9. Real-estate agent: Shit Out of Luck
10. Broker: Out of Work
11. Man who said he was a porn star: Liar
12. Derivatives trader: Liar
13. Bald man: Chrome Dome
14. Woman with a “slightly hipsterish name or occupation”: Uggs
15. Man who handed out flyers: Paper Chase
16. Actress: Shakespeare
17. College student: Good Luck Finding a Job
18. Randomly bestowed: Stingray
19. Randomly bestowed: Shish Kabob
20. Man “trying to be funny and failing miserably”: “Look, do you want a nickname or not?”

‘Stingray’: We Evaluate Will Ferrell’s Nicknaming in You’re Welcome America