Admittedly, it’s been a couple of years since we last read The Road, Cormac McCarthy’s brutal 2006 novel about a nameless father and son scavenging for food and eluding cannibals through the scorched landscape of post-apocalyptic America. Still, we’re pretty sure it never occurred to us that it might one day lend itself to a four-quadrants, crowd-pleasing, suspense-thrilling film adaptation. Shows what we know! Though The Road’s makers promised us a film so bleak and depressing it could have only have been shot in Pittsburgh, this suspiciously cut trailer feels more like an ad for a fun, summery disaster movie: There’s gunplay! And tribal drums! And explosions! And Charlize Theron in an expanded role as the mother! (She can’t possibly have this much screen time, can she?) Bring your family! And a date!