Before we’re all dragged off to hell by a balloon-powered house, let us reflect on the week behind us: The Jonas Brothers’ losing streak continued. Twitter got a TV show. Jesus returned to earth to judge the living and the dead. Kanye made us reconsider our love for reading. Grand Theft Auto came out. Adam Lambert stayed in. The Internet ruined movies. American Idol was revealed as a hoax. Katherine Heigl failed to get cash money. The Book of Eli didn’t depress us enough. Hugh Jackman and Daniel Craig saved Broadway. Asia Argento pulled back the curtain on the Cannes jury deliberations. T.R. Knight died. The world fell in love with Yo Teach!, the best new TV show in years. Jay-Z made a deal(s). Mad Men got a trim. Veronica won. The publishing industry lost. And Steven Tyler regaled BookExpo with an eloquent dissertation on the history of narrative literature.