Just last week, we learned how Michael Bay went from earning a directorial fee of $125,000 to make Bad Boys to collecting over $40 million for the cinematic turd that was Pearl Harbor. After that revelation led us to draw our curtains and spend the last few days silently sobbing in our 400-square-foot apartment, we recently emerged feeling like we were ready to once again take on the world. Then we saw this ad featuring a candy-coated (and unshaven) Michael Bay hawking a new flavor of M&Ms described as “Strawberried Peanut Butter” and, wouldn’t you know it, the dark feelings washed all over us again. It doesn’t fill us with the same sense of joy that his awesome Verizon FiOS commercial did last winter, mainly because we suspect Bay allowed himself to be transformed (get it?) into a purple M&M just so he could make some time with the alluringly long-legged green M&M.