The Jokes Brüno Told in Every Interview

Last night, Sacha Baron Cohen closed out the Brüno publicity tour with a rare out-of-character appearance on Letterman (see video here). Which was nice, since we were beginning to get a little tired of the limited arsenal of one-liners he’s been deploying over and over again as Brüno on talk shows and in print interviews. Sure, we liked his new movie, but we find it slightly ironic that Cohen is able to get away with scripting his own Q&As when his shtick on film depends so much on the off-the-cuff utterances of everyday people being interviewed under false pretenses. But, hey, since they’re funny, we’ve collected his most frequently used jokes and noted the multiple interviews in which he’s repeated them.

• “Stop staring at my kugelsack. My eyes are up here … I have a boyfriend who I’m totally faithful to. Except for blow jobs, obviously.” [Conan, Digg, Rove]

• “I’ve just seen the movie Borat, and I found it a really offensive portrayal of a foreigner. The guy in it called Sacha Cohen is a total gay. The wife is a total beard. She gets even less sex than Katie Holmes.” [Digg, Rove, Us*]

• “My philosophy is: Treat your clothes like you would a pet — love them for a week, then stick them in a plastic bag and throw them in the Danube river.” [Digg, Out*, Rove]

• “I was the first Austrian to get bulimia … That was in 1983, four years before Diana got it.” [Digg, Conan, Rove]

• “If I didn’t get my arschenhaller bleached twice a week, it would look like Louis Armstrong doing a trumpet solo … The last time I got my stinker bleached, I found the head of a Zac Efron [or Mad Max or David Beckham] action figure up there.” [Digg, GQ*,Rove]

• “Getting the fashion community involved is definitely the only way the fighting will stop. Did you know that not one suicide bomber has ever blown themselves up wearing Marc Jacobs?” [Out, Rove]

• “I’m totally hairless except for this treasure trail of hair. More men have walked down this than Fifth Avenue.” [Digg, Rove]

• “Naomi Campbell is such an inspiration because, despite all the fame and success, she’s remained a total bitch.” [Rove, Us]

• “I want to say that I find Obama an inspiration. It gives me great hope that, after years of struggle, someone can at last get in to the White House despite being incredibly hot. On the other hand, it’s slightly disappointing that he needed that beard, Michelle, to help him.” [GQ, Out]

• “The Austrians styled WWII. Basically, Hitler was responsible for the most stylish uniforms of the last 3,000 years … You might not agree with Adolph’s politics. Let’s not get into that debate — he could be right, he could be wrong. I actually know the grandson of Hitler’s personal assistant, and apparently, behind the scenes, he could be a real tyrant. Worse than Elton, even.” [Digg, Rove]

• “I have the people who do Salma Hayek. They do me, but apparently, sometimes, it’s really hard to get hold of them because they get exhausted preparing for her. Apparently she has enough hair to stuff a mattress.” [Digg, Out]

*The GQ, Out, Us Weekly interviews aren’t online.

See Also: David Edelstein’s review of Brüno; The Cut takes A Look Back at Brüno’s Most Memorable Fashion Moments; Adam Sternbergh asks if we’re laughing with Brüno or at him; Logan Hill onwhy Brüno made him proud of America (except L.A.).

The Jokes Brüno Told in Every Interview